A heart is a heart,...

... in any language.

Been a long week for me. Ugh! ;)

I have had SO much to do! Well, it is over for now anyway, yea? That is a good thing. I may go to NYC this weekend just to get away. Not sure at the moment. I am thinking more on the "I will not go" side right now.

I really need to get out and get some images. I know that it brings so much Peace to my heart. Trust me, my heart needs it. My soul needs kissed.

Curious, someone told me yesterday, while sitting beside me on a sofa, "You are gorgeous, Cher. This is one of those moments that I will never forget. This moment speaking to you. Your personality is so cool. You know, you meet people at parties and places like that. And the next day, you forget a lot of them. But you, well, you are unique. I will not forget you"

I forget my answer. I think it was a bratty one, like "I know." And I laughed. (Well, I then thanked them, of course. But I had to joke a little, yes?) They smiled.

Hmm,... I remember thinking, "Whatever." I mean, I am having some serious trust issues at the moment, and I just do not believe much anymore. I guess actions, for me, speak louder than words. More now than ever. Not only that, it is also the fact that when told I was beautiful by someone these last few weeks, I wonder if those words were true. ... Or perhaps just to bring me a smile. (I think they used to be true in March or so.)

Gosh, I want to believe they still really think that. Not that I need to be told how I am, it is just that I need to feel words as much as hearing them. Maybe it is because I am a writer. Maybe it is because I am a brat. Perhaps it is for some other reason. Who knows.

Random thought: Why do so many people leave? Well, not a lot of people, but the ones that I need and love, like my sister and others? Why? It makes it so hard to breathe. So very hard.

In other news, I felt sick last night. In fact, I had a hard time sleeping. Then I was called into work very late. I am home now, but I am on my way to an appointment.

Last night seemed to be the longest night of my life. I spoke to a colleague and read some information. Afterwards, I went to the restroom and prayed. I prayed for so much. Mostly, I prayed for air. The one person that I know who really cares, is God. So, I had to unload my heart to him.

I just feel like collapsing. My heart hurts. It has endured much more than anyone deserves. Perhaps it is what I deserve.

I guess it is all inside. I mean, it depends on how much you care, yea? The more you care, the more your heart will hurt. That is why I am starting to believe that a heart of stone is much better than the one I have inside my chest. At least that way, no one can get inside. Not at all. Well, not without a hammer. And, the ones that are deep within my heart already,... will remain forever.

I am now running late, and I am rambling on here. I have about 15 minutes to get to my appointment! (Yes, I am that bratty!!!)

So, a big hug for you all. Sorry for any typos, but I have no time to worry about such things at the moment. Have a nice day. xo

-Cher