Looking back and forward

I was in the bath a few moments ago and began to think of this boy. He was 19, I, 16. Well, I went on one date with him (I think it was for a coke). Anyway, the next day when he called I told him that I did not want to see him anymore. I guess it was because of private reasons that made me seem mean. I did not like his hair or laugh.

He called and called over the next few days. Finally, I answered. He told me of his love for me, but I would not budge. He came to see me about a month later. We talked for about an hour. He told me that he still loved me. Well, I was so preoccupied with whatever it was, and I never really paid much attention. Two days later, he was driving with my best friend's boyfriend and said he was torn up over me. He then rushed his car into an intersection, and into a concrete divider.

My friend's boyfriend flew out as the car went into the air. Doug did as well, but the automobile landed on top of him. He died.

Curious, when my best friend was told, she swore she had just seen him drive past her flat. She said he waved. She even described what he was wearing. Sadly, he died the night before, so he could not have driven by.

There are a handful or so of guys that I have hurt. I wanted to say sorry. I am far from shallow, and really was not at the time either. But I was young and the only thing I cared about was my schooling.

I am sorry.

I never paid much attention to boys. That could make me inexperienced. I could be a lot of things really,... but one thing I am not, is a bad person. And no matter who enjoys being with me, and who would prefer to leave,... I am still me. I am Cher.

And, there is so much more behind the name, then a writer, photographer, medical professional, and other things. ... there is a heart. One huge heart that lives and loves with arms wide open.

What I am most of all is, strength. I made it through so much.
... and I am still alive and kicking.

I have been the strength for others, the hand they held onto. I have been the smile that has dried tears. ... I am so much wrapped into one package. I may not be perfect--I have had my share of mistakes. But if those mistakes can make someone choose to let go of me in any way: friendship, love, family, or acquaintance, instead of help me overcome my flaws, then they quite probably will lose one of the best things in their life.

That would be a pity, because I really try my best,... even when it seems not good enough. Everyone deserves another chance. And, I am not talking just about being a couple, but within all situations, families, love and life.

A priest once said, "It's never too late to realize what is important in life and fight for it."

Never give up in life. Who would that make you? I really reach to the fullest, and then some. :) ... sometimes I feel like giving up, but I never really do.

"We must always try to think things through, from every possible perspective. We owe it to ourselves to use our intelligence and to acquire all relevant information, good and bad. We must remember, though, that the purpose of a future is to surprise us. If existence did not retain, under all circumstances, its capacity to do that, what would be the point of it? You cannot, now, see quite how to climb a particular mountain or move a certain obstacle. Just because you cannot yet see it, does not mean you will not see it soon. You do not have a 'problem'. You have an incredible opportunity."

If you really want something, it takes work. If it came easily, it probably is not as appreciated.

Even love--no matter what sort of relationship, it takes a lot to keep it strong and healthy. And it is not a burden or task, but something that comes to us naturally, like the rain.

It is quite pleasing to have a heart full of love and laughter, yes? :)

I hope everyone knows how to be themselves, work hard, and sit back to enjoy where that takes them. It is a reward like no other. And, I hope you all enjoyed your weekend. :)

A big hug and an animated image to each and every one of you.



-Cher