Tuesday, April 26, 2005

Confessions Before Dawn-

What is it
that excites you?

Do you long to touch
lips to mine?

I can feel the layers
of your defenses

become thinner,
sometimes, so fragile

that I could pierce
them entirely
with a single word.

If I were to open
myself to you
like a lily
on the lake---

tell me, Tendermouth,
who is it we'll be
by morning?

Adulthood- A Testimony Beneath Autumn Skies

Cast back to adolesence, I chose
the path unknown, strength subsided
into blackberry fields and stretches
where he first stroked me.
The stench of trespass, of what could be,
filled the October air.
Thoughts scattered, begged for release
as I tore at the earth in delight,
scratched a cry-hole for redemption.
And at seventeen, rescue from proverbial
flames were welcomed, almost yearned.


I need cappuccino, the beach, and a good book. :/

Today, today

Today was a sort of day that felt rushed. I had no time for anything, but wanted desperately to write. I had a very calming and long email today from a friend named, John. I am a fan of his writing and try to hold back as much as possible. I don't want to look like a 16 yr old at her first concert. I'm pretty good at holding my feelings in and think quick in times when needed. Perhaps that is why my goal is emergency med. To get back to the subject...Ok, we are going off it again. ;) Have you ever thought someone to be more than what they really are? Assumed someone was like a torch in the sky, only to realize they are human? It happened today and boy was I ever satisfied knowing John is just that.

He has been published in more places then I have ever and is well deserving. One thing that tickles me is that we have been published together a lot. That's is very inspiring. Jimmy and john would probably get along well, just like UV. Guys, they are so alike! The Ramones this, yadda, yadda. ;) Speaking of ole UV, gosh what a great guy! There's one that I just know that no matter where we go in our lives, we will always be friends. I like that.

The boards were crazy today, all the mods relaying back and forth that it made me think of the scene in Weird Science. The one in the shower stall, where they are going back & forth quickly, only showing their mouths! Ha! I love these guys! My mods are some of the best ever. Each and every one. Ryan...Oh, my Ryan! He is like the sweetest, most irritating brat of a brother! I love him.

--From Ryan:


you summed me up nice in your journal!


i consider myself 'one' of the smartest persons, having the unique ability to cannabilize that same intelligance with self-doubt and uncertainty. influenced beyond easy. and i am the sweetest/irritating person on the planet :)

i bet your wondering if you are lucky or cursed to have met me - the answer will no doubt get much more complex with time. enjoy the riddle of ryan. or beware for the riddle forthcoming.

wednessday afternoon v. best-

:) Ha!

Erin and Cass, gentle and firm....Beautiful. Those two will not take any crap, but would be there for you in a heartbeat. I'd die w/o those them. I also admire my mods writing. They are one talented bunch. Paura, wow! He is out level headed mod, the quiet, kind sort that will back you up in a flash. Ryan is the quick thinker, the head mod, smart, but influenced too easily, cute, and funny. Pikey, every team needs a burly bully with a heart of gold. Michael, kind and studious, Simone, smart and a busy, busy guy. Wulf, gentle and so freaking funny! Papa, hilarious and experimental.

So, yea, I love and need this bunch to keep me sane. Did I go off topic or what? OK, today started off with the steering column of my Sonata pulled off! Someone tried to jack my freakin car! Then, the excitement of John and a secret guest. Gosh, how fun was that! I had a lot to do today, but everything worked out in the end. I suppose tomorrow if I wake w/o a car...I'll be yacking like an Italian, hands moving and speaking too quickly for my own good. ONE of these nights, I am going to hide in my back seat and kick the door open, when my little prowler come floating along in all his glory! I am going to jump out and kick his a@#!!! Hey, I have been kick boxing for almost 5 yrs now! :0

Anyway, as you can see, it's late and I need sleep, but I wanted to write in this dusty journal. So, today (yea) I'm happy. xo

Tuesday, April 05, 2005


So many things going on at this time! I have been super busy with everything. I hope all is well out there in computerland! I will write more later! Ciao!



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