Thursday, August 30, 2007

buon intenditor poche parole...

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siccome la casa brucia, riscaldiamoci, si?


something beautiful...

Benedetto sia 'l giorno, et 'l mese, et l'anno,
et la stagione, e 'l tempo, et l'ora, e 'l punto,
e 'l bel paese, e 'l loco ov'io fui giunto
da'duo begli occhi che legato m'anno;

et benedetto il primo dolce affanno
ch'i' ebbi ad esser con Amor congiunto,
et l'arco, et le saette ond'i' fui punto,
et le piaghe che 'nfin al cor mi vanno.

Benedette le voci tante ch'io
chiamando il nome de mia donna ò sparte,
e i sospiri, et le lagrime, e 'l desio;

et benedette sian tutte le carte
ov'io fama l'acquisto, e 'l pensier mio,
ch'è sol di lei, sí ch'altra non v'à parte.

in English...

Oh blessed be the day, the month, the year,
the season and the time, the hour, the instant,
the gracious countryside, the place where I was
struck by those two lovely eyes that bound me;

and blessed be the first sweet agony
I felt when I found myself bound to Love,
the bow and all the arrows that have pierced me,
the wounds that reach the bottom of my heart.

And blessed be all of the poetry
I scattered, calling out my lady's name,
and all the sighs, and tears, and the desire;

blessed be all the paper upon which
I earn her fame, and every thought of mine,
only of her, and shared with no one else.


"He was one of a triad of Florentine literary artists who best summarized Italian thought and feeling of the late Middle Ages and early Renaissance (Dante and Boccaccio being the other two). Laura, whose name he was to immortalize in his lyrics, inspired him with a passion that has become proverbial for its constancy and purity."

Today was that day

on the lighter side...

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I have a tiny mouse sharing my flat with me. Micheal (my cat) has brought it to me a few times! I had to get a paper bag to release it from his jaws, and of course, it gets away, because I am way to frightened to catch it! he then, walks around crying and sniffing everything. I dislike my new flatmate, but as long as he stays on his side, I can live with it, (I think). ;)

here is something beautiful from one of my best friends, Dawn,

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here is something beautiful from one of my sweetest friends, Sheri,

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something funny...(I do not curse, so forgive me, but this had me cracking up),

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and here is something for my readers and friends,

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love you, guys. xo

Monday, August 27, 2007

I fancy a bit of the past

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I wish I were a teen during the time of San Francisco's (to me) most fascinating time. I would have one of those nifty bikinis with the ring on the side of the hip, a VW van that was painted all sorts of groovy colors, and wear some of those dresses and boots, as well. Let's not forget the surf board hanging out of the back of that van! ;)

I imagine myself along the beach, giving funky little peace signs to all that pass. I would wear my hair as I do sometimes now, would be against war, and be all for love and peace. Not sure about the freedom as far as sexual activity, or drugs, but I do know that I would be happier in that period. I love so much about that time, from the poets, to the music.

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Last Gathering of the Beat Generation Poets and Artists, outside City Lights Bookstore, San Francisco, December 5, 1965
By Larry Keenan (born 1943)

Everything seemed so simpler then, but I doubt it was. The women were absolutely beautiful, the music, electric, psychedelic, and sometimes peaceful like the lovely song, "If you're going to San Francisco".

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Lifestyles change so quickly, as do fads like clothing. But have you noticed the clothes from that time have come back? My favorite outfit is a pair of Angel bell-bottoms, any shirt really, and my thick-heeled boots. I love my boots and have lost them in Carmel, and other places, but I always end up finding them. That is another story in itself! ;)

Take your gloves and get out

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Sometimes everything seems so restricted--tied on such a tight knot that one can barely move. I say this, and mean the daily routines that we all have. Sometimes, I just want to break free from it all. I know that I was made for more than getting up, showering, brushing my teeth, going to work, school, kick boxing, coming home, and relaxing before doing it all again. I need something more, but what?

I have said this before, I need a release. Sometimes, music is that release--I come home and just dance. I would play piano, but I could not take mine when I moved, because it was much too heavy. Now I am left with keyboards, but they do not match up.

Sometimes, I want to climb the highest cliff and just scream. Odd? Not really. Not if you see it as a calming source. I want to dance there above the sea, swirling around and around in my summer dress and bare feet, until I collapse. I want to feel the wind in my hair... feel life. I have SO much passion in my veins that I feel as if I am about to explode.

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Sometimes, I want to smooth myself into a field of flowers, and watch the clouds drift by. I want to swim bare in a secluded pond in a far off forest, with nothing around, but the sounds of the water caressing the bank. I want to be atop the highest building in N.Y. during a soft rainfall, and so much more. But once you grow into an adult, you rarely have time for such things.

I do not want to be a fighter, but a friend, a loved one, a good listener, warm-hearted, innocent (but fiery), and a girl that has purpose. I want to be all I can be.

You know, life moves pretty fast... when was the last time you paused to really see what it has to offer?

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Moving on...

A musician friend (Gerardus le Monk) and I teamed up for this. He is so talented, and to be able to work with this brat--a genius! ;) Last I heard, he was composing the film score for the next David Lynch movie in a music studio built inside a Bauhaus kind of house, near the seaside in California. It has an interior swimming pool and some statues of the Ancient Egyptian goddess Bastet. I am jealously in love with that scenario! Anyway, I hope you like the outcome. xo


Saturday, August 25, 2007

Photography Awards and Accomplishments 22nd Picture of America Contest First Prize Winner:
(Cash Prize $1000.00) - "Insatiable" Picture of America Contest Category Winner:

1) As Colors Unfold II" in the 15th Picture of America Contest
(Cash Prize $100.00)

2)"And the fog rolled in." in 14th Picture of America Contest
(Cash Prize $100.00)

Betterphoto Editor's Pick:

A Quiet Autumn
Swept in Autumn

*just adding a few, but I will place them somewhere else when I have time to play with html. xoxo

Thursday, August 23, 2007

Carmel, caramel, both candy to the eye

Random thought...

I wish I were in Carmel drinking a caramel machiato or caffè latte. You would find me relaxing on this private beach that I love to escape to, and listening the the sweet sounds of the sea. In Autumn would be even better--wrapped up warmly, viewing the most magnificent of sunrises. I would have my camera beside me, of course.

Such a beautiful thought on this Thursday in August. xo

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*An image I shot in Carmel

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* The drink of choice. ;)

Monday, August 20, 2007


my heart feels distant today like out on a limb, alone, as if it were floating into the sea, moving back & forth with the tide, falling & falling. not sure what that means.

today was good--only had a half day at work (filled in for another). But I feel the need for a release; I feel so tight. I wish I were beside the sea right now. I would run along the sand, rush the tides, and even write a bit. I love the oceam so very much. I have said this before, but it can take your breath away, or take your breath in seconds. The sea is so mysterious and pure.

anyway, I think I am going to dance for a bit. I know it sounds all too silly, but it really is a release. (Kickboxing is another.) After the HIPAA inservice this past weekend and all the other trivial events, I just want to dance--to shake loose all the uneventful things that have clung to my dress this past weekend.

I think I will dance to foo fighters "Best of you" for starters. Odd, that song feels as if I am singing the words and recieving some at the same time. Sometimes you just connect to certain selections, like you do with people or places.

I am at an odd place today, worn and open, standing on an avalanche of moments, where it is either sink or dance. I choose dance. ;) xoxoxox

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I am only half myself today. (I do not know why I found that amusing). ;)

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

This has got to be a drag

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dear denise,

in october, it will be a year that you were taken so suddenly from us. I miss you. you know, I have done nothing capable of being precisely good-willed since your leaving. I have done nothing notable. I have not touched my camera since feb, except to charge the batteries. you see, I had planned a day of shooting a few weeks ago, but work got to me first.

I wonder how different it will be to shoot images this autumn without you here. I am being selfish, I suppose. I should not think of how my life has changed... I should think of how jessica and tiffanie's lives have changed. I see them on myspace under my other account. they are so torn w/o you. I cannot imagine jessie's emotions, being the one who saw you get hit by that truck.

I picture your death in my head, although I was not there. I see all the different ways you landed after being dragged. I see your daughter's face. I picture the day of your funeral and how you felt so different to me. how I cried while over 300 people sat behind me quiet. it was just you and I up there.

you were always so much better than I... you finished school first, began as a teacher, went to church, had a lovely family, and gave so much to those around you.

me...? that one is easy; I tend to run when I get close to someone, drag my schooling out, get into bad situations, lose people, and I am such a brat. grandad's favorite, right? well, he once told me how he worries about me, because I am so much like him.

our family has quite a good reputation in california, into so many things, and school things as well. but no one can compare to the things he has done and said. even in his biography, he mentions his time as a child in china, and all the things his father accomplished. what I am trying to say is, you were more like him, than I. you always set goals, always reached them; you wanted 2 children after marriage, you did that. you wanted to build a home, you did that. (I know, I built a home, but remember, I walked out of it after a year.) I do not regret that.

I am mad that you left. I am mad that you did not see that truck before it hit you. I am mad that the dog you were trying to save from the road, tried to bite you. if he had not, you would not have gone back a second time with a blanket. sigh.

I am mad that you moved out of the house when I was only 15. we never had a chance to do "teenage" things. then you went to bahrain and so forth. you were always so darn far, denise. I was always busy with things like school and my hobbies.

I wish you were here. I want to make a huge thanksgiving dinner for you and your family. btw, after I built that home and you came to visit, I really loved the things you cooked. I am sorry that I did not go exploring with you on your vacation, and that we got into that tiny spat over whatever it was and, that I made you cry. as big as that house was, there was nowhere to hide from your pain.

I remember lying beside you as we talked about life and how I laughed at how you shaved your legs.

I remember our last phone call. you were coming to get that piece of furniture off my hands. it was such a nice conversation--I told you about the $1000 I won for a photo, and you were so excited to see the image. well, I am sorry you never got that chance.

I want you to know that when I flew to your funeral, I shot so many images of everyone. I actually got a few smiles. I want you to know that I saw the left over salad you left in the fridge, and the sink that you hated, because the way it was placed in the corner. I saw your bedroom and used some of your make up (I did not bring much because of airline regulations). and as I sat on your bed while mary braided my hair,. I felt you there. it was all so surreal.

and on my last day there, as the plane flew away, I blew you a kiss. boy did the tears began to fall.

my life has been so crazy since then, denise. I do not even know if you can see me right now. sometimes, I want to be held close, to feel warmth. who is going to be my sister to do that? I do not want to be the big sister now. I do not know how! I am so "unsettled", denise. I am always multitasking, working, and whatever. I liked it better when you were the older sister and kept us in line. my god, you were so bossy!

do you remember that time in bodega bay? I do. I took $5 from mum (was only 6 yrs old). do you remember how you made me your slave when you found out? you would threaten to tell if I did not clean up your messes and whatnot. sheesh!

or how we would "do" each other's backs? I would scratch yours first (or you would tell mum about the $5) and when it was my turn to get my back scratched, you were asleep? I always knew you were faking. I just allowed it because I loved you.

and I was always jealous at how well you were at riding horses. and when you tried to teach me, I fell off. I was really frightened. I just never showed it. that is why I would lie on dusty's back and sing puff the magic dragon-- it was much more calming (even in the rain). I used to love those foggy sonoma mornings.

I also loved watching all the wonderful things you did. how well you were at everything. you are a great loss to the world.

what I want to say is, you are so beautiful, inside and out. you are my one "stolen" thing. I love you. I wish I knew why it was you that fateful night and not me. perhaps there is something in store for me. perhaps, I just got lucky. I do not feel so lucky, not now, not here without you.

love, cherilyn

p.s. sorry if this letter is so messy and/or all over the place--I just typed as it came out.

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it is a terrible feeling to be able to save lives knowing the ones you love, are much too far to help. I am sorry I was not there, denise.

perhaps my life is to help the ill. perhaps I am here now to continue to do so.

so, why do I lose so many people in my personal life? not to death, but somewhere else. somewhere that I cannot reach them. some just go away, I suppose. I do not know why. I really should hold onto things much tighter. xo

Friday, August 10, 2007

A few images of mine

A Quiet Autumn

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Barrington Beach, RI

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Foggy Morning (RI)

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Random things

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A Self-Portrait in Late Autumn

... through that ever-
expanding interval, were never more
than these
late bees you'd
scribble: what hung, like sucklings, from the

dangling clusters; than these desolate, verb-
studded landscapes you'd
murmur, even
hiss into

some other, some ever else-

Gustaf Sobin

Tuesday, August 07, 2007

Friends are forever

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one of my best friends, dawn made this for me. it is by far one of the sweetest things given to me this year. I love her so much.

a link to the warmest heart:

thank you, dawn. xoxo


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