Thursday, September 28, 2006


I cannot say enough how much I love autumn. I hope everyone gets a chance to enjoy all the season has to offer. xo

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Wednesday, September 27, 2006

There is a softness in love--in the tint
of it and in the breeze; the heart takes
in this softness and distributes it evenly
throughout the season. In the heart
sincerity can be quiet, a sequence of heart
beats, moments, or lovers stilled by the flush
of the moon. On the perimeter the heart
weighs much more than anyone could have
imagined. But, inside, its warmth and fragility
thunder lightly--just enough to be heard.
And when the chest aches in expectation,
it becomes truth and no amount of comfort
can direct its wants into white silhouettes
just hovering on the sidelines of a perfect
fall. (One must be in the consommé of
things in order to merge well.)
There is a sweetness to vigor,
just as there is a fear of what may become.
Like the surge of the sea when it moves
in and out from shore, its body wet and cool,
wave by wave. It is enough.
And it is sufficient that the hand fits exactly
into the hand of another –-the warmth alone
could leave one ignited between breaths.

9/23/2006 12:16:39 PM

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Let's smile together

An odd sense today. One I cannot explain. It is not for anything past or present - just a feeling I have.

I just need some sort of release. I need a vacation, a way to collect thoughts. I am not sad or confused, just so full of imaginings that I need to run to the nearest shore, scream until my lungs are blue into the sea - leaving my smile in the wind like someone else's poetry. Yes, that would do. ;)

Monday, September 18, 2006

Take me to the top

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*the song I was referring to.

Contemplations or something like that

I sit here in slippers and smile. (I, for the life of me cannot figure out why I wear them. I adore going barefoot. I think it is because I stepped on a cat toy the other night that sent me flying into the next room. it was horrible, but funny now, I think.) yes, I am smiling and as my friend matt said, "seemingly solid". I suppose I am in a lot of ways. content is more like it. I feel living inside, vibrant, ready for anything. my eyes feel as if they are glowing. I cannot explain it.

I went to an inservice today on I.V. Therapy. let me just say that inservices are no fun, but if you are in the medical field, you need the hours. sometimes, I go to ones that are a bit boring, like OSHA. but it has to be done and seriously, it is not that bad. esp when you can come home, kick off your shoes, turn on "Stranglehold" and dance around as you try to change clothes.

(there is something exciting, almost sexual to the music that Ted Nugent plays there.)

I adore music - it takes one to the ultimate place. I enjoy all sorts of music - for instance, "Take me to the top" is extremely sexy. Loverboy sings that. (I heard the lead singer passed on a few years ago in a drowning. v sad indeed.) I like a few of their songs, but that one is my favorite.

so, I come home those two songs play one after the other and I am in an odd, but v delightful mood. not to mention my email today from a respected writer. (was better than neruda.)

my thoughts are scattered today - so much going on, that I am waiting on, hoping on, and such. I think I will write a bit, then reply to my email. but first, turn up "Take me to the top" on my Live Digital and dance. why not?

"Just give me your hand, hold it out, close your eyes, move up close to me... "

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Darren Hayes

"beautiful" - darren hayes

* a favorite song - love the way he sings it toward the close. I know a lot of beautiful people... esp as of late. and they should know/feel that they are beautiful. it is nice to be near the lot, nice to feel the beauty within words and such. ok - need to get some work done! ciao

One of my first shots ever

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I added the words "in gridlock" for a forum that I made a while back. I will have to hunt down that set on CD for the originals. I wish I knew then what I know now about photography - would have been a better set.

*on a side note - seems everything I do online, I have my live digital profile page playing in the background. it makes everything I do seem easier. I do not know if that makes sense. I guess music just sets the mood, yea?

I am listening to "strange magic" right now (darren hayes) - is a remake of an older song and v "mood setting", so to speak. the wonderful song that plays after that is by gigi d' agostino. I want that playing during my rooftop adventure. "don't be surprised..."

In B&W

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A survey of sorts

Name 3 sexy songs.
crash - dave mathews, la passion - gigi d'agostino, erotica - madonna

What did you eat for breakfast?
honestly? 1 fig newton (in which I dislike) and a half glass of pepsi (in which I dislike) so I do not know why I chose those.

What are you most passionate about?
the sea, I think. it has to be the biggest turn on for me. it can leave you breathless one minute and take your last breath the next.

Name 1 song that is a turnoff.
love shack - b52s

Name a favorite line from a song.
“you have my heart, so don’t hurt me” – the cranberries

Name a crazy job.
my uncle louie is and has been the head guy at san quentin (in the death row area). crazy.

Name 3 writing influences.
neruda is a big influence - his work is sensual and I love the story behind his love poems. If he were alive, I might have written him love letters, charmed him into my slave, captured him, and made him write poetry all over the walls. ;)

gary sullivan - similar to neruda, but in letter form w/nada (another fabulous writer). I also like his format, other poetry, and humor. I have tried his format, but I am still 'young' at it and need to work harder, or have more patience. gary is quickly becoming a friend in which I have the highest admiration for. (Not sure as to say 'friend', 'associate', or another term - so I will just say 'friend', because that is how I see him.) I wish I could say that about neruda. don't we all? both great writers nonetheless.

gustaf sobin would be the 3rd - he is similar to the other 2 - his format and passion for what he believed in drew me into his work immediately. I love his format and his uniqueness. When I first came across him, I googled everything I could and read until 4 in the morning. such a great writer. all three are beautiful in different ways.

although they are influences, I have so much more to learn in order to get anywhere with my own work.
gosh... I hate to leave anyone out... I truly value all my favorite poets and friends.

What path did you take to your current career?
my first job was as a lifeguard. I loved helping others. most of my family is in medicine. so, I wanted to become a child psychologist, studied a bit and went into electronics instead. after I learned color codes etc, I felt bored and went into emergency medicine completely.

Why don't women like nice guys? they do not? I do. I like a smart man, a nice man, and sometimes a man that can be naughty. I like a variety actually - from a guy with a tattoo, to a guy that goes to confession (or both). I have not had a lot of dating experiences –
4 long term relationships and a 6 or 7 month one. what do I know?

What did you do today?
well the day is not over, but I had a half day at work, wrote a bit, and did a bit of kickboxing (I am trying to strengthen my heart).

What is your opinion on today's children?
hmm... I suppose they are different from the way I was as far as video games and whatnot. I was never home. I built forts, played hide and go seek, and explored. Plus some are violent (I am not really into guns). I feel sorry for the ones near the war---seems they have lost their childhood.

Were you shy in High School?
not really. I hated to be home for reasons that I will keep to myself, so I threw myself into track, cheer, student council, yearbook, and the sort. I loved to run the most. I was shy to a point of not dating until I was much older.

Do you like comics or humor?
Yes, v much. I like all sorts of comics. As far as humor – I think it is important for me as far as a partner is concerned.

Who was your first love?
wow, I suppose it was my first b/f. he was/is a dj for a radio station. the entire idea of dating such a well known, pulled me in (I thought I was cool - although it took me forever to even agree to a first date). I later found him to be arrogant. perhaps he was not "my first love".
I do not think I have met my first love yet. I do not know, love is hard to understand.

Are you wild or are you tame?
hard question. I am pretty reserved. my passion comes out in my poetry, I suppose. I like the idea of being wild. wild as in how? hmm...

What was the dumbest thing you have done?
believed silly little love lies.

Will you/have you find your prince charming or princess?
I do not believe in fairy tales anymore.

Name 3 favorite cities.
easy - san francisco, NY, and Milan

Name 3 fantasies.
love on a rooftop in manhattan. I only have one.

Have you played out your fantasies?

What are you wearing?
A pair of jeans, a cream-colored turtle neck, and slippers.
(not too sexy)

Did you vote for Bush?
I had to work, so no.

What was a favorite childhood book?
the mouse and the motorcycle

Name a sexy fruit.

Have you ever had fried bologna sandwich
or deep fried potato sandwich with butter?

no and they sound disgusting. haha

Name a sexy T.V. star.
well he is fiction, but tony soprano. I love a man in charge. ;)

Name a musical influence.
gigi d' agostino - he is an Italin dj from Milan. he is not really an influence, since I only play piano and keyboards and have not tried to play his work. shrug.

What turns you off?
being told that I am beautiful excessively, braggers, liver, mean people

What turns you on?
coconut/lime spray from bed, bath & body, smart men, a sexy laugh, the sea

Who would you like to meet?
as long as they are not a jerry springer candidate - I do not care.

What'll come out of these questions?
an ending? I do not know - perhaps I will be reminded that I have too much time on my hands right now. ;)

What will you do after you've answered these?
hmmm... check my email, run an errand, listen to songs on a web site of mine, and perhaps work on photos. I am not sure.

Last question.....where were you born and do you still live there?
I was born in northern, Ca. I lived in Bodega Bay, Sonoma etc as a child. no, I am not there at the moment.

Monday, September 11, 2006

An Early Autumn

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I shot this at a small park. I cannot tell you enough how excited Autumn makes me. let's go frolic. we can buy cappuccinos, you can read Neruda aloud, and I can dance barefoot in the leaves. (whomever "you" may be.) what a fabulous time of year, yea? let's not forget the groovy costumes in October and all sorts of delicious chocolate.

Can I sing you to sleep?

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I focus deeply to timbre, claw
my way back through the pages,
long after lexis had faded.
Because you are a watercourse along
the horizon and I shiver amid your docks,
name and breadth, a slow motion tide.
Because my collar bone slips to sand,
when the chest is flat of your humming.
And I do not think you unworthy.
And I cannot sleep, although my lids
are slipping
I await another round for consideration,
because something happened: an instant
correlation, a red to green, or perhaps,
an unexpected stoplight in the mist,
where tête-à-tête amplifies, and trend
is a poem or voice that lingers on the frame.
I have imagined your mouth; a sole clench
of the thigh, the bitten lip, a blend of
photographs in the mind, side-by-side
on a mattress of reddening leaves, where
we lean into the lens to form one throat.

An Autumn Arrival

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Nikon D50 SLR

Good God

Heaven knows, I have to laugh at myself right now. I am such a dork (insert being a dork for saying "dork" as well). You know (or not), sometimes I think I can be smooth, well sort of smooth as far as people are concerned. But there are these other times that no matter what you say or want to say, you come out looking like a 16 yr old girl in front of Keanu Reeves - so flustered that you cannot say a dang thing right! Haha, that is me.

Although it is strangely exciting, I need to run to the nearest phone booth and not, change into some red suit, but drink down whatever it was that Alice had. I just hope it lengthens the time I have to be much cooler and not my legs. ;) Anyway, yea, I am seriously a fraidycat when it comes to writing/talking to certain people.

In other news, I will be interviewd on a podcast (details coming soon), I am taking another trip to NY soon, and I went shooting this weekend. During my trip to go shooting, it rained on and off. (I simply love the scent of rain.) I had to lie on pine needles to get some of the shots, bit it was ok - I took some of waterfalls, plants, and the sort. But it began to rain again as I sat up to change lenses. I had to pack up to leave, but wanted to sit there for hours with the rain coming through the trees. The forest was a bit dark before the storm, the sounds of the waterfall seemed to echo it perfectly.

I wish I could have brought back a photo of it all, but one could never capture something like that... you just have to be there. I came back to my flat with 20 or so photos, but just being there was worth each second. I would have stayed longer, but the walk back to the car was quite a distance, and I could not risk my camera equipment being ruined.

Ok, let me resize a photo from this past weekend, so you can imagine being there with me. It is such a beautiful place. ciao.

Friday, September 08, 2006


some of my photos along with music by darren hayes.

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. . . would travel forever
towards those buried mirrors, what the future
consummately withholds. 'memories,' you'd
called them: the

grey gaze in its diadem of
dark lashes

lighting, at last, in the remote ovals of the
eventual. does it glow? then
glean. ripple? then
ride the

least quivering signal clear to its
fuscated source. for only the
image -- 'icon,' you'd called it -- withstands the

remitting dispersion of the
most adamant particles. move, then, amongst
shadows. in the
pale grammar of the grasses, read the

constituted facets of the otherwise
literated face. nothing

* Gustaf Sobin - 1935 – 2005

Gary Sullivan

First, what an amazing writer. Gary and Nada's "Swoon" (which I love jealously) is sensual, aching, powerful - the letters pull you in until you can no longer breathe. In fact, it inspired me to write with a fellow poet. (We have quite a few letters so far.) Perhaps, I will post one or two. Anyway, Gary just read my blog from start to finish (poor guy) - all I can say is that it made my day. He and Nada are two of my favorite writers.

I do not know if I should pull down all my bad writing and replace it with something else. I suppose it is a bit late for that. I suppose I should stop writing in here and reply to his letter, yea? I never thought I would feel this way about a favorite writer reading my work - it is strangely exciting.

For some reason I feel calm now (since I have been thinking of what to write), like "yea" with a nod of the head and a smile. I was also thinking, it is time to dump the overly sad poetry as of late and pump it up a bit with some Italian passion. I am ready to get back to my regular self/regular poetry.

If you get a chance, pls check out my fav author's list in my profile - I am sure you will find some excellent work that goes along with those names.

*on another note - look to the left and go check out Craig Ferroggiaro's photography... it is like having a cappuccino, an ocean view, and good conversation all at once. ciao.


"sweet like candy to my soul - sweet you rock and sweet you roll..." dmb

Thursday, September 07, 2006

You are what you love, and not what loves you back

All day I thought I was lonely, was wearing it like a weapon, but I realise that
I was just alone. This is the great distinction of my life, the thing that has had me reaching for door-frames as if the world was falling in on only me. This is what has ruined me.

I do not know how to reconcile these sides of me. I feel a dull sense of duty to the secrets I've pressed into people's open palms, ignoring the fact that they are fractions of me, not them. I want to tell all but I have less and less to say. I am writing a notebook's worth of small character sketches, but the book keeps getting smaller because I rip the pages out every other day and promise to start again.
I want to achieve something, prove to myself that I'm better than a drawer full of balled-up notes and mistreated notebooks. I will finish.
I will finish and fix it all.

things I am forgetting:

- how to talk to you
(I tried my hand at equations, explaining myself through maths, but I got stuck between the cosine and 'both sides must be equal'. I have tasted biology on the tip of your tongue and picked your physics out from between my teeth - chemistry was
why I left and how you stayed, a hairbrush and some gum and a messy bed.

My last hope is dear sweet Desdemona, constant Penelope, two ladies with water in their hair and one who threw herself from the battlements. My last hope is blank verse and comfortable iambic pentameter. My last hope is sibilance and the weight
of punctuation.)

- why I cared, and how, and how much
(nothing feels safe. nothing feels safe. nothing feels safe. nothing feels safe. nothing feels safe. nothing feels safe. nothing feels safe. nothing feels safe. nothing feels safe. nothing)

- why I wrote anything, ever
(that's it, that's all. I am no good)

- promises and bathroom floors
(you were smoking me, weren't you? between your yellow fingers. you just inhaled
and exhaled without saying a word)

-[I have always read 'angels' as 'angles' and I think this explains more than anything else could]

* I am not sure who wrote this, ( I hope I did not mess it up too much) but I thought it wonderful. here is the link:
click me


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I do not know why I titled this "laughter". Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

nikon d50 slr hand held/windy/focal length: 38.0mm (35mm equivalent: 57mm)/ exposure time: 0.0031 s (1/320)/ aperture: f/8.0 /whitebalance: auto/ metering: matrix.

* on another note - autumn is here! :)

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A Softness in the Ear

(after a phone conversation)

There are too many hours before dusk,
where one can become mislaid along
the hidden curves of the throat:
a burst
of laughter,
of white space,
of delicate, corporeal vocals;
a counting of the harvest in cultural

rearing. The voice is a lover: a span of
the sensual sun, a nervousness that lies
low in the season, waiting or begging
for release. And the flutter of chest
becomes wet, a way to taste the tongue,
or perhaps a lead that one must pursue

solely. I say this before the rain in hopes
of encore or breadth -
I don’t know why I like it. I just do.

O, if I were an atlas –
a diagram that reveals warm breath on flesh,
I would gather the hum that cascades nicely
from the sweetened lip, sweep it to elite waters,
and drown in what could never be mine.

*just a first draft. :)

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

What friends are for

been a bit busy being in the hospital, but I have been home since yesterday. it was a v trying time. I did receive a wonderful warmth here:

click me

some really great friends. I am appreciate that. the way the members came together like that shows you what true friends are. I will not forget that. anyway, I am ok for the time being. I am dealing with some other things that are so unbelievable, though. and although my heart is weak at the moment, I will not let anyone or anything crush it completely. eh.

*a special thanks to all who called me today... I am still smiling. is odd, on the phone today I noticed that a friend sounds just like one of my best friends. even his laughter. that made me smile. here is a photo of him: (I could of fixed up the photo and removed the spot, but am so sleepy)

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he graduated med school ahead of me and is in foot/ankle reconstruction. we had a long talk the other night (and I am so bad about staying in contact) and we sorted through our lives and what we had hoped a long time ago would happen - we planned road trips and such, but we both had gotten much too busy. I miss him. I suppose I will call him tomorrow. no - I will and I will be a better friend.

well, it is late and I am tired. sweet dreams to my fellow poets, photographers, and the like. xo


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