Tuesday, September 30, 2008




(Micah and Stefan @ Sofitel LA Hotel, Los Angeles, Ca)

I just love my husband so much. And that is all I have to say today. ;)

Saturday, September 27, 2008

San Francisco

The passage through, where my heart is alive in the city, my love of
all loves, breathes its air. And with each moment that passes, I fall in
love over and over again.

... the need for each other, anytime, anywhere.

Monday, September 22, 2008

Questionnaire II

Would you rather suffer for eternity or have the one you love most suffer for eternity?
suffer for eternity

Do you like rain?

What makes you feel happy?
life and good people

On a scale from 1 - 10, what would you rate yourself in popularity?
not sure

Is sleep a waste of time?
no, it is a crutch ;)

What 3 words would you use to describe your best friend?
Beautiful, warm and giving

Can you speak two or more languages fluently?

Do you swear?

How many mosquito bites do you currently have?

If St. Peter asked you to recite Pi in order to get into Heaven, what would you do?
Recite first 100000 digits

Do you own a cell phone? If so, what kind?
yes, blackberry pearl

What is the one thing that will make you happy?

The distance around said moose

Favorite quote?
"To one who has faith, no explanation is necessary. To one without faith, no explanation is possible." —St. Thomas Aquinas

Can your mind comprehend the fact that the universe never ends?
yes, because I understand exponents and flux capacitors

There are five innocent people on a railroad track and are about to get run over by a train. You are standing on an overpass just above the tracks and a switch is next to you that:
puts the train onto different tracks? :)

If you could only say one sentence to a love one before your last breath what would it be?
Breathe into me

What are you wearing?
a smile

What are some of the things you like to do with your mate?
spend time together, laugh, love

How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had through your life?
4 or 5

Which chocolate company do you like the most?

Do you want a man to be on your roof?
Santa :)

What is your favorite smell???
An autumn day or the scent of rain

Do you ever wonder why Smurfette was the only female Smurf?
I never realized

Do you consider yourself a "nerd" or a "dork" or a "geek"?
dork ;)

Name the closest blue object to you.
A pack of Extra chewing gum

Name someone you wish you could speak with.
does not matter

Who is your favorite author?
Pablo Neruda

What would you change about yourself?
Too trusting

Favorite singer?
Darren Hayes

Anyone ever make you feel ugly or silly?

Finish the sentence: "The way you smile..."
... is one of the reasons that I love you

What is the funniest movie ever?

How confident are you in yourself?
Depends on the situation

What song are you listening to right now?
Tupelo Honey - my husband dedicated it to me

What do you love?
the sea

What is your favorite season?

What is my favorite nail polish color?
french nails pink/white

Would you give your number to anyone that looks good?

What kind of t.v. do you have?
I forget - never watch it

Do you hate anyone right now?

Best experience this year?
a lot, all year long

... one

Do you look behind the shower curtain before you go to the bathroom?
all the time ;)

What is your favorite movie?
Amélie, Chocolat, Untamed heart

Do you ever dip your toast into milk and then make it into a shake?

Do you sing in the shower?

What was your favorite high school subject?

Do you believe in God?

What Do you regret?

Favorite cartoon?
tom & jerry

What kind of drugs have you tried?

How would you spend the last five minutes with the one person of the opposite sex that you loved the most?

Your least favorite song in the world?
love shack

Mozart or Salieri?

If you had to make a movie about your life what would it be called?
What you thought you knew, but did not

If you fell off a cliff what would be you last thought?

Describe your evil twin.
Stefan, haha

Are you happy to have single-handedly destroyed the earth?
yes, I am

How many licks DOES it take to get the center of a tootsie pop???

What is your favorite kind of cheese?

Where were you born?
northern california

Die with wealth, or a loved one?
die with wealth, so my family is taken care of

Look to your left: What do you see?
a window - autumn arriving

Star Wars or Star Trek?

Scotland or Italy

Have you ever popped, locked, and dropped it?
not sure

Where in the world do you feel the safest?
In Stefan's arms

Two sports you played in middle school?
track, soccer

What musical instrument do you play?

Who Are Your Best Friends?
Stefan, Martin, Joann, Matt, Dawn

Is there any circumstance where cheating is okay?

Looks or Personality?

East Coast or West Coast?
West Coast

What is your biggest turn on?
the neck

Would you rather prefer be stabbed by a knife or a sword?
if this survey never ends? ... both, please

What is love?
an inner light within the heart

How many people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Biggest turnoff in the opposite sex?

Cual es mi nombre completo...?
jaja,... como sabre su nombre

Do you have to go to the bathroom?
not yet

Do you currently like anyone?

Who do you count on? See-saw

If you look at the color blue, what does it make you think of?
A summer sky, the sea


Favorite perfume?
Cool Water/ coconut/lime

Do you like thunderstorms?

What do you think of this quiz?
too long

What would you do if this interview is never ending?

Orlando bloom or Johnny depp?

what do you think they eat in heaven?
Bad people

If you could pick anyone dead or alive to have lunch with, who would it be?
Pablo Neruda

What kind of car do you drive?
a car

Is this boring?
umm,... yes

What colour are your eyes?

What sort of character would you play in a comic book (hero, humorous sidekick, villain, that abrasive newspaper guy, etc.)
... that abrasive newspaper guy ;)

If you were on Extreme Makeover: Home Edition; what kind of room would you ask for?
A room to paint in, with tons of windows for natural sunlight

If you were one word, what word would you be?

What is the name of your truest friend???
a few names

Whats the First Thing You Notice In A Boy/Girl?

Are you fed up of all these questions?

Do you believe a good life is attainable? or is it something that is out of our control ie subject to luck etc.
Attainable, you just have to believe

How much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?

Why are you taking this interview?
I have no idea

Who do you count on when feeling down
My best friends

What attracts you most?
Intellect, humor and a good heart

Do you feel comfortable showing PDA in pubic?
I don't know what that means

How many hobbies do you have
Poetry, photography, piano, kickboxing, writing, editing, volunteering

Close your eyes for a moment, who pops into your head?

Do you say "I love you" in the relationship?
If I love someone, I do

Aliens have landed and selected you to visit their home planet. Do you go with them?
Do they have Diet Dr.Pepper?

If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be?
San Francisco

What is your favorite word?

What makes you cry?
I cry when I am frustrated beyond belief, my heart hurts or when I lose someone special

What makes you laugh?

If you could travel back in time, what mistake(s) would you want to correct?
None - they are all been lessons in life

Who was your hero as a child?
My grandfather

What 3 words would your best friend use to describe you?
I am everything to him (He just told me when I read this aloud)

Where do you see yourself in five years?

Do you own any pets, and if so what do you have?
Michael, my cat

Who do you admire most?
My husband, because he is strong, yet tender, able to keep a level head, couragous, and very giving to others.

How do you feel?

Favorite Place to Eat?
Foreign Cinema

Opera, Musical, Concert, Play, Performance, or Other?

What is your favorite clothing brand?
Old Navy & The Gap

What was your last thought?
It is a secret (... right, Stefan)? ;)

Which is worse? A bad laugh or a bad cough?

Define yourself in 3 words...
Kind, generous, creative

Kill the spider or let it out?
Let it out

Do you shower every single day?
Do you? ;)

Walking past a beggar, spare change or ignore?
Spare change

Ever had your heart broken?

Yes, once

Boat or bus?
Boat? Hmm,... is that possible in city?

Where do you want to travel next?
Carmel, California

What would you do if Michael Jackson asked you out

What is your favorite food?

What is your favorite place?
Wherever my husband is

Do you realize that this interview is never ending?

Have you had a beer in the last week?

Flip flops or sandles?

Survey over!
Yes! :)


Saturday, September 20, 2008


Ciao brats :)

What a long week! Stefan is in Hollywood doing things for the Emmy Awards and other things. I hope he comes home soon. I miss his hugs and kisses. :) He is such a great husband, and so loving. And I adore his sister so very much! You know, she reminds me of my own sister,... and having a sister again, makes my heart breathe a gentle sigh. I love her.

Real quick: Sorry for whomever tried to call me yesterday--I have the new Blackberry Pearl 8120 (in silver) and still have no idea to work it. ;)I have figured out how to answer it now, finally. :)

Stayed at The Raddisson Station Hotel the other night. It is such a calming place. We were on the 6th floor and had such a beautiful view of the city. Here are a few images I took:



I better go for now, because I am multi-tasking and have lost my train of thought.

Have a beautiful weekend! :)

Wednesday, September 17, 2008


... now we need more seasonal pleasures, yea? ;)




I took those images last Autumn. :) Happy season!


Runaway With My Heart

I wanted to add a little something today. :)

Today is a good day, because I am married to the world's most sweetest man. I must say, he truly knows how to love me inside and out. He never lets a day pass without showing me his affection. Each day he tells me he is in love, laughs with me, holds deep conversations, and we can talk about anything or sort anything out. I am truly blessed.

Sadly, he has to go to the Emmy Awards, but hopefully we will be back in each others arms soon. I already miss him.

You know, he healed my broken heart. How? Well, he listened, loved and gently kissed it back in place--piece by piece. He is so courageous, as well. I mean, he would go any distance for our love, and has proven it time and time again. I adore him, his family, and his precious ways.

In other news, I have been sorting this to donate to the Salvation Army, cleaning, working and other things. Life is good. :)

Oh and, I have to say,...

AUTUMN IS HERE!!! :) :) :) ... gosh, my heart goes into overjoy during this season.


(An image I took last autumn.)

Yep, all is good in this lil' Italian's life. I hope all is well with yours too!

Big, big hugs,

Tuesday, September 09, 2008

The Power of Composition


(To Stefan)

Here beneath the clouded blue, we place soft hands
together— an applause before the sea, like two ships
that set sail into the horizon.

Here we join and touch lips, fingertip to fingertip, we
sing to the rhythm of a new song— buoyant on the blue,
our souls become one.

Here, my love, we slip into a new autumn, what is
ours, divine—exquisitely intact, where voice is poetry
that the breeze blends into the skin, softly into the bone.

Here, you are my tutor,... touch me gently, show me
all that is true. Feel the contour, beloved—thus is utter

And as we release the butterflies from the sweetened
tongue, the waves swallow our toes like gentle stars
kissed by the night, where we compose the photograph,
our hearts, anchors reaching toward the shore.

First draft



... am I the only one who sees how wrong this image is? Haha!


Becoming "Whole" Before "Two" Becomes "One"


"It is said that one does not meet their Twin Soul or Twin Flame until they have learned many lessons of love, loss and forgiveness through close Soul Mate relationships, that the heart is made resilient and strong through pain and loss, and must be so to face the intensity of being with the other half of their soul.

Many people who have met their Twin Soul had experienced a "Dark Night of the Soul", or a major spiritual transformation just prior to meeting, or upon meeting this soul. It's almost as if you need to be "emptied out" emotionally, spiritually and mentally as a test of your spirit. Meeting your "other half" can be a magical, maddening experience that opens your perceptions. Some experience an opening of their psychic awareness as their heart expands in this unbounded and unconditional love. The fact is, your life will not be the same, and whether you perceive this as a gift or a curse is the challenge of your soul's evolution.

Before one can physically unite with their Twin Soul, both and find their strength and purpose on their own.

The longing and desire to be with your twin soul is intense, but through growth and perception can be seen as the greater longing to join with the Divine, and that is the true lesson, you are two halves of a much greater whole.

When you meet your twin, there will be no "game-playing" or manipulation, you will have the need to be transparently honest in your relationship and communication with one another. If there is karma from past lives to work out between you, it will be apparent and consciously worked out.

If you or your twin is committed to another relationship, you will respect and honor that bond and realize the tests of unconditional love. Meeting your twin soul challenges you to grow spiritually, heal mentally, emotionally, physically, and to see beyond time, ego, and physical limitations. You will be driven with the desire to be the best manifestation of your soul on earth. This is not a relationship of hearts and flowers, but one that will be tested in fire and will endure beyond time and space.

Blessings of peace, love & light,


Monday, September 08, 2008

Iraq War Protest - Shout!


Photo by Emerging Magazine

Everything - Lifehouse


Find Me Here
Speak To Me
I want to feel you
I need to hear you
You are the light
That's leading me
To the place where I find peace again.

You are the strength, that keeps me walking.
You are the hope, that keeps me trusting.
You are the light to my soul.
You are my purpose...you're everything.

How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

You calm the storms, and you give me rest.
You hold me in your hands, you won't let me fall.
You steal my heart, and you take my breath away.
Would you take me in? Take me deeper now?

How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

Cause you're all I want, You're all I need
You're everything,everything
You're all I want your all I need
You're everything, everything.
You're all I want you're all I need.
You're everything, everything
You're all I want you're all I need, you're everything, everything.

And How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

I so love all that you are, See-saw. Nothing or no one could ever give the love that you give. Nothing or no one has ever been so courageous, warm and perfect in the knowing of just how to touch me in all the places of my heart.

... it is you, my love. It will always be you.



... does not mean forever.

Benedetto sia 'l giorno,...

et 'l mese, et l'anno,
et la stagione, e 'l tempo, et l'ora, e 'l punto,
e 'l bel paese, e 'l loco ov'io fui giunto
... da'duo begli occhi che legato m'anno;

et benedetto il primo dolce affanno
ch'i' ebbi ad esser con Amor congiunto,
et l'arco, et le saette ond'i' fui punto,
et le piaghe che 'nfin al cor mi vanno."


In the Wilderness of a Summered Heat

As the world falls down, love and gentleness still persevere,...
... like faith re-visited, or the touch of a lover's warm and certain hand.

For my fiancée Stefan,...
"I'll never let his heart go where mine has been." - Azure Ray

C'est la vie


It is so odd how once a woman gets married (or engaged) her male friends seem to drop of the face of the planet. Stefan and I have discussed this and came to the obvious reason, they must have never been true friends. I assume they only wanted to date me, and when they found out I was to marry, all their words of friendship and care ceased. Hmm,... I would think that if someone truly cared for another they would want only happiness for that person, even if that person found it elsewhere, yes?

No matter, I guess, because I still have male friends that are real friends--even my ex boyfriends congratulated us both (well, not Victor, and he was supposed to be one of my best friends, but he dropped off the face of the planet two months ago or so).

I have my most wonderful husband. ... that alone makes this heart of mine feel more love than ever before. No one knows me like he does. It just took me awhile to realize it, I was so clouded in what I thought love should be, and he waiting patiently until I came to my senses. He is love.


Stefan is all I could ever dream: he is beautiful inside and out, funny, sweet, he makes love to me like no one ever has, is extremely sexy and intellectual, is giving, loving, has the most precious kisses, has been one of my best friends for such a long time, loves San Francisco as much as I do, is reliable, courageous, a hero, strong, and most of all, he is consistent and warm. I absolutely adore him.

It is so nice to feel complete and elated. I thank God for what I have.

Hugs to you all (especially the friends that remain as they always were),

Saturday, September 06, 2008

Never Journey Far From Me


(To my husband Stefan. Happy 1 week anniversary, tesoro.
I am so in love with you.)

All the quiet afternoon I envision you,
thinking about adoration, I remember.
I close my eyes, follow a feather trail
beneath the azure sky, where you draw
me down tenderly.

Contained by the summer breeze,
the scent of twin souls permeate
the air. It is there, where I promise
poetry against the cherry of your
precious heart—
because I must empty myself of
,... I must scream love into
infinity, like a beacon in the night
calling the ships home.

Thus spoken, these words I offer:

by way of San Francisco, warmed
by an illumination that reflects in your
window, my eyes will uncover all that
is beautiful.

An embrace, evidence of the real.
An untainted beating in the chest,
my only compass.

Never journey far from me.
Lead me to your nirvana.

Allow me to reveal love, to capture
and set free all that is ours.
So, when the aching sea pushes to
the California shore, naught could
weaken, ever churn the palms
of our fragile hands—so nothing
would loosen the bond between
us two.

Allow me to take you home, my love.
I will carry you to where nothing splits
the rings that bind our lives—where
prayers like a circle of summer songs
that swim within the loving eye, idling
a moment before slipping to sand.

It will be in that moment, we will
become paper boats and sail into
the horizon together—
that sacred second within the sea,
where you and I speak our vows
into the future, incessantly.

Your wife,

*Draft I

Wednesday, September 03, 2008

Gifts & words from the heart



"Baby, its you...only you. Your are the only woman who has entered my unfinished being that is a constant, a true heart, a love worth indulging, a woman whom brings new breath, a new life into this small piece of universal oneness. I knew you before this life, I loved you before the universe exploded into an abyss of life. We are the first spark of existence spread amid the vastness of time. A thousand thousand years from now when we are reborn, we will remember these moments and will have set the example of love untold for others to imitate, never to emulate. Only this love is known to you and I. Seek me in the days ahead and I will seek you again.

If I should pass from this life before you, the last image I desire to take with me is your beautiful face smiling into my eyes. The last breath I shall want to enter me is yours. You are all that is me, my completion lies within you. My Sweet, I am nothing without you...

I sit on the Bay's edge looking across the blue, the caps of white rolling into the shore, I think of you. Return me to that day of innocence when we were spread among the stars, we breathed together as one. Bring to me that day at this moment, this very moment, let it not end until the end, the day when our energies merge together and the universe begins again anew.

Speak to me the language known only to you and me. Words seems so inadequate...say nothing to me, touch me, feel me, allow the language to speak without sound, and I am yours always until the sky falls into the sea.

Baby, take me away... take me to your world, take me home to that place lying deep within you, the place of peace and joy eternal. Take me home...

I so love you,

Always your See-Saw



"The one woman I will defend and protect to the end, walk across a thousand deserts to touch, the one woman I choose to stand beside me in this life. I love you Cher, you have captivated me and captured my heart. I will give all I am to all of you. Heaven did not exist until you. Every pore of my body screams out to the celestial bodies your name.

Yours until the implosion of the universe. I so love you.


I must say, I have never felt such butterflies, as I do when he looks deep into my eyes as we make love ( ... and we do between 4 and 8 times a day). :o

(Sorry, had to mention his stamina! I will go to confession later for it.) ;)

And, it is so adorable how he wakes as soon as I leave his arms when he is asleep. ... he asks me back. I, of course, move right back into his loving arms. :)

You know, it is not only that he is wonderful at making love to me, it is in the way he knows how to love me. And he is so gentle and precise, my entire heart and soul can feel the devotion he carries for me within each touch of his fingertips. And how my hair in his hands can drive me wild! ;)

Stefan truly loves me unconditionally.

For once in my life I have found someone consistent and true to his heart. He is courageous, a real man, sweet, handsome, sexy, intelligent, warm, bratty, loving, beautiful, well mannered, humble, and he is my husband.

... he has shown me what true love really is.

Good night and so many hugs to you all.


The One I Love


I decided to write a little something about the man who has captured my heart,... Stefan, my twin soul. It all started within our love for San Francisco and his beautiful smile:

Pt I:

We became friends a long time ago. From there, we began to speak each day for a few hours. Then, the few hours became 75% of our day. No matter where we were, we were connected; we could be working, shopping, or any other activity and we were on the phone together. By that time, we had become best friends, knowing more about each other, than anyone else in our lives. (... we even knew what we each had in our cupboards, haha.)

I recall a few years ago he had left me a comment about being twin souls. He also sent me the entire lyrics to Tupelo Honey. (I have now made that the first song on my Myspace play list.) And I had written him a poem, but he never had a chance to see it (I was so shy in directing him to it). By that time, I assumed we would remain only close friends and began dating a man that he swore would hurt me. I broke Stefan's heart and trusted the other man's words. Through the entire relationship Stefan stayed by my side as my very best friend, waiting for my heart again. He had bought me a beautiful antique cameo necklace on Valentine's Day, and it was then that I really felt his love for me more than ever. It was not the gift, but the words that accompanied the gift.

Going back a bit:

We had plans to go out on a boat trip sometime last year, but that fell through. Then we had plans to go to an event together, but I could not make it. That was a few months after I began dating the other man. The other man and myself had never had any intimate moments, so when we broke up I was not only devastated, but in need of a warm kiss. Stefan was there for me through-out it all.

"Cher, my Sweet,

I have spent the past few hours with my head in my hands wrangling with thoughts of you. I can't help myself. I rehash conversations past and dreams made, crazy, huh?

I told you I would not ever come between you and Victor and I mean that wholeheartedly. I feel if I do not take some time away I will only fall for you more. You need me as a friend and I promise to be that for you, always.

I am going to bow out for a few days just to gather my thoughts and let your life blossom in your love. You and Victor need to grow and I know you don't need my interjections, you are a full grown beautiful lady, and I don't want to interfere, I have feelings for you that go beyond friendship and it is not fair to you and Victor for me to express those emotions.

I need to suppress how I feel so that I may be the best friend you have had, ever. As I have told you in the last note in this comment section. I will be there for you always, your confidant, your shoulder, your strength, your smile I just need to take a hiatus from my heart and let you and Victor be.

I love you, oh I truly do, you stole my heart and it cries out to you, I know it is only an echo I will ever receive back and with that knowledge I need room to heal and I'll be back for whatever you need in a friend. That is what friends do.

Always in my soul...always in my soul.

Stefan aka See-Saw

Let me break a moment to say that Stefan is the sweetest man I have ever known. I am truly blessed. And, after re-reading his words above, tears have begun to form in my eyes--I was such a fool to not have been his at that moment.

Allow me to take a deep breath or two before I continue.



Pt II:

You know, (smiles) we have had such great conversations. Haha, sometimes someone would walk in as we were speaking and raise a brow! Gosh, I cannot help but smile thinking back on some of them.

Looking back at some of his words, my heart really embraces his. I was so blind and I wasted so many days by not running into the warmth of his loving arms.

"You know...I don't know what I would do with myself if I could not spent time with you every day. It is as if it is a ritual of sorts, a celebration of life between two beings. I dance an incredible dance during these hours with you. It is truly a joy to share with you stories of ourselves, aspirations, our pleasures and sadness. The weekends are seemingly endless when they come! That is absolutely astounding to me! Any man would be blessed to have you in their life. I am grateful just to be a portion of it. I am certain that across the vast eastern sea the man awaiting you knows this to be true as well. There are many ladies out there that dream of just one man that loves them as much as two that hold you dear in their hearts. How extraordinary is that?! Any man that cannot see the beauty within you and reward you with all of their love lost and blind.
How many men are called the bunion on a woman's big toe and adore those words?! :)

Goodnight Pet, Dream Sweet and rest well.




"My Sweet Cher,
No matter what befalls you, whether dark looming clouds, torrential rain rising
I will be radiate as a sun to chase it all away.
I will always stand beside you when everyone else leaves you alone.
When you feel faint from the woes of life, my arms will protect you from the fall. As the winds from irrepressible storms blow against you, lean on me.
My assurance will guide you through an opaque mist of doubt.
Whenever you fall, I will lift you up higher. If your heart is heavy laden, I will take your yoke upon me and bear you load.
Always in your garden, I am the fragrant gardenia. I will never leave, just close your eyes and I am there.
I am whatever it is you need, just call my name. Whisper gently into the night, scattered breath across the waves, and I will come swiftly, sheltering you from the cold.
I will remain always your protector, your defender, your faithful knight and always your best friend. When the ashes of my vessel pass over the sea, lift up your eyes and I will keep watch over you until we meet again.

Love always your only See-Saw.

He has been the one consistent thing in my life--true to his heart. And he is very patient. During that time he stood beside me, never letting go of my hand.

Then one night I stayed up all through it crying. I realized that it was Stefan all along. He was "The One". We both spoke and at that moment we grew softly into each other even more so. We were together at last and my heart could not have been happier. Since that moment, sad days have not crossed my path. With the other man, i became sad a lot. With Stefan, I could be myself, and he always accepted that no matter what mood, how many tears or smiles, and no matter the moment. ... he was unconditional.

(Ok, tears once more. I need to walk away for a moment. Be sure, they are not tears of sadness, but tears of the overwhelming feeling (and knowledge) of being the world's most blessed woman. )

I am so in love with him.




(My favorite photograph of him. I remember watching him shave and feeling a rush of love like no other.)

So, after days of discussion, love and laughter, we decided to marry. I must say, it was not only one of the best decisions that I have made, but it was one of the best days I have ever endured. And, Our intimacy was/is beyond words,...I so love him.

(I know, I skipped that story, but I am still on cloud 9 and I need to keep each intimate moment so close to my heart.) :)

We are incredibly happy as one.

"I'll never let his heart go where mine has been" - Azure Ray

"Friday's conversation left me with even more thoughts of you as I awoke on Saturday. Cher, sweetheart you changed my schedule for the day. You turned my entire day around... work was put aside for the first time in a long while. I had to escape the routine I am accustomed to... to discover my heart and my direction.

I was headed to the office only to realize the ocean was calling from me to seek you... to the place I have gone in days gone by to find you. Taking the train, you know the one, the one that lands you near the water's edge just beyond the highway.

I searched for paper in a pocket, took out my pen, strolled the beach and as I walked I penned these words...

Today I seek you to fulfill my thoughts. Baby, I walk along where the ocean meets the shore seeking all that reminds me of you, of us, of you. In the footprints embedded in the moist summer sand, where the tide has not yet reached, I imagine you have walked ahead, waiting for me to follow.

Broken sand dollars strewn across the sand I see broken promises made to a woman so dear, value of a life remains the same, yet gone unnoticed by the selfish ones, those devoted unto themselves. Shattered dreams embedded in the sand.

Just ahead, happy children's faces full of delight and discovery, laughter and innocence, draws me to ponder those days when we were young, how the world was ours. Nothing stood in the way of our dreams, our hopes for the future. Imaginary worlds we created where life was our joy, our tomorrow.

Passing a sand sculpture creator... a woman carved from the silica and minerals, his fantasy lady splayed for the combers to see. I stood there for a moment without comment, wanting it to come to life, call my name only to see you there. I turned away to seek that secret place where I have found you once on that winter shore. A time I desired you, whispering against the ocean spray, calling your name, listening for your voice, I found you there.

I have made it that peaceful, loving place. The place where four boulders emerge majestically from the sea, below the Cliff House, a place of solitude... the sea, the vast expanse of water... I am here to call for you. The pelicans look curiously on, the waves crash against the great weathered rock, millions of ages past carving into its surface, smooth like your skin... I lie against it, seeking its sun given warmth. Hear the ocean, hear the sound of two hearts transcending time and distance... I hear you there.

The ocean drips from my body, staining the ancient stone... I am alone with thoughts of you only, and the indescribable solitary beauty of this place... I await your heart from words spoken the evening before. You speak to my beginning, the part of me that was once you... my soul.

From this ocean we once were... splitting energy seeking to discover and to join anew in another time, another place. We found ourselves drawn to this place, this place amid the celestial expanse. The sea, the cradle of our lives here so many lifetimes ago, our home, I call out for you. On the breath of the breeze, you rush across my flesh, you are now here...

Captivated, you capture my mind, shadow my senses, I lie here only to welcome you, embrace my mind, reach deep within my thoughts, let me breathe your presence, bathe me with you.

The tide has changed, my day with you fulfilled... I leave this ancient stone amid the sea.

The phone rings... it is you!



I am a fortunate woman to be his wife, and I will always do whatever it takes to make his heart shine.
... it is the reason my own beats. He is the reason my future will be more beautiful than ever. He is more than a man, he is my husband,... my hero.

"I smile, See-saw. I smile at the thought of you, of the way your voice makes that sweet sound after some sentences, of the way you and I are so alike, and I smile in the knowing that you love me more than words could ever begin to express.

I recall 2 years or so ago, (... perhaps longer) when I was away in Rhode Island. I remember walking along the shore and writing a poem from inside my heart. I once told you about that poem, ( you know I wrote it for you.) I look back at that poem and shake my head. Why? Well, those words could not begin to come close to the way I feel. I would need an entire collection of Neruda poetry to express my thoughts. Even then, you would not know. So, I pray that each time you look deep within my eyes, you feel every love poem ever written. Because you, my sweet, are those poems and more. ... you are the reason the sun shines through my window.

Always know, no one could ever compare to the true man that you are. And within each moment of breath, I thank the Heavens above for allowing me the chance to walk beside the most beautiful man alive--the hero, best friend, courageous and most loving man a woman could ever hold in her arms.

My life is changing, baby. Our lives are changing.
... the one thing that will never change is my love for you.

I need you,

"I now know I cannot live my life without you in it. If time could reverse itself 20 years I would have held you then, although it is 20 years into the present, I can only begin to make up for years I have missed. If I were to pass from this world tomorrow, the last motion picture my eyes would desire to view, is you looking down into my eyes smiling, the last breath I would draw would be the air you released from your lips. My life would then be worth all I had missed in days past.

I love you 'til the stars crash down into the dust and breathe anew. It is you....


I apologize for not opening my eyes earlier, but all I can do is live in the present, and it is the present that forms a smile upon my lips. ... it is his love that I live for.

"My sweet,

I woke to get a drink of water and had to say,... I so love you. I read what you wrote, as well, thank you for loving me as you do, I am truly blessed.

Baby, I cannot wait to give myself to you, for you are the one that inhibits all my dreams,.... the one that knows me more than I do myself, and you are the one that I will kiss good morning for the rest of "our" beautiful life.

As you know, I am far from perfect, but I promise to be the best I can be, so your heart always feels loved. And I may push you into a rain puddle here or there, laugh when you trip and fall, starch your socks, and I may drag you through a ton of shoe stores to find that perfect pair that match some outfit I will probably only wear once, but know this:

... no matter what I am doing or where I go, it is you, my love. It will always be "you". I will stand beside you to protect and love you, until I breathe in my last breath. I will never allow anyone or anything to hurt you, baby. And be sure, if you ever should fall, it will be my hand that helps you back to your feet once more. (... it just gives me one more reason to hold you in my arms.)

I love, love, love you, See-Saw!

Your Italian brat,
Cher ;)

From this day forward, I am his, and he is all that I am. He is my best friend, my husband, my world.

I love him, I love him, I love him!
... always.


Monday, September 01, 2008

There's the man I chose

... and all the things I deserve for being such a good girl."



More than a man, more than years
of being my best friend, more than
words could ever express,...

... my husband.

And with deep respect,
I kiss his gentle hands.


My sweet husband and best friend, Stefan. We had such a wonderful time this weekend. He is incredible in every way. I must say, I have never been kissed or touched in the way he does. ... and the way he held me close to his chest,... he is love.

He holds my hand so tight everywhere we gp,... to walk beside such a man, is an honor. I am truly blessed. :)

"My Sweet Love,

Tonight I listen to you sleep, I hear your breathing across the vast expanse of air. I would do anything it takes to feel as if I am with you there. The photos of your French nails, the many self-portraits you sent the night before... all so dear to me and causing me to feel I am not only a part of you, but in an unique way I am with you.

I so need you. Listening to you sleep, I adore you more, I fall incessantly in love with you in these hours, to know you unlike any other.

If Heaven exists, it exists solely in you, for you Cher, are my my Eden, my refuge, my shelter, my haven.

If Angels exist, they were designed with you as a model to follow. Impefections, so you say you have, to me... they are your perfections, your attributes.

I love you more than my own breath, I love you more than tomorrow and all of its new life, for without you there is no tomorrow. Because of you, I am. Because of you, I believe love abounds and knows not of any boundaries, because of you... I listen to you sleep.

I am falling deeper, so much more deeper in love with you than I did yesterday.

I listen to you sleep...



He is so beautiful in each and every way. I thank God for my blessings.

-Cher :)


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