Wednesday, July 06, 2005

Springtime with Father

We saddled up before hint of sunrise stretched against
the bitter cold of the California morning. Fog lifted from
the mouths of the horses, the trampled soil, as hard as frost.

With buttoned coats, we rode toward Sonoma, our horses,
breaking through frozen puddles along the trail. It was winter,
but the air was crisp with scents of lupine and sweet clover,
each an exquisite reminder that spring had come to the north.

We headed up to the hills, treated with open splendor: a world
away from the high-strung urban development of San Francisco.
Frost rested across an open field, above us, an unbending sky,
its deep blue warmed by first sun of morning.

Our family took the ride each Sunday, father, simple in dress,
serene in countenance, leading the pack up to where mudducks
and mountain top meet. Later that night we sat dimly, sipping
cocoa on river's edge as father told stories--- we laughed,

unable to see what the future would bring: my father would never
return. I go up the mountain alone now, a pocket full of memoirs,
days when I knew nothing, but what he taught me, days when
I felt alive, as warm and certain as his hands.

Thursday, June 30, 2005

If you have time, check out my link to ginger rivers. There are some very nice links there- the dialogue is great as well.

We had two poems win this month on Ibpc! Congrats to Jim Fowler & John Eivaz! And a special congrats to Yolanda Calderon-Horn (Our mod) for her winning poem at Writer's Block!

The Versifier took a big hit when EZboard crashed, but we still are going strong with such great members. (I think we have such a great team.) I hope everyone tries PJ's challenge- she has great ideas and is very sweet. :)

Today was busy...I was working on the IBPC newsletter for July, waiting for Surface's issue to be finished, packing, went swimming, shopping, commenting, behind the scene stuff at Versifier and am about to go lie in bed and read a bit. I have some great chapbooks at hand, like Erin's, Kenneth Gurney's (Older) and a few more.

On another note, I am going to get the chapbook contest ready. (Details coming soon!) And the IBPC Blog should be live now- I will add some things to it as well and sent up a link here. We are asking the Pearl editors to judge for us soon. :)

I hope everyone is enjoying their week! Ciao!

Monday, June 27, 2005

Today is a great day. I'm on my way out, but hopefully when I get back, I can get some more things done.

I was going to go to the beach today, but no time! I plan on doing that this week and taking my camera along. I can show you my horrible tan! Even being Italian, I can assure you that I've spent plenty of time in tanning beds. Actually, more so on the east coast. Ha!

I was reading up on the Church of Scientology. Seems Tom Cruise is getting heated over an argument with Brook Sheilds. Sheesh, I forgot she even existed. I have read rumors of abuse and even a rumor of one lady getting ran over outside her home. In the 80s, I guess they made the regular people work on cruise ships for free. They even had a room to place people that misbehaved! Since they seperate celebs from regular members, I suppose Tom has never seen the bad side. These are all just rumors, not sure they are true.

Anyway, I'm off for now. Ciao!

In The Valley of Penumbra

Point of day where flesh pauses,
stretches leather-flat:
all is whist, sunlight fades.

In the Valley of Penumbra
my lips unfurl like a fetus
struggling in the womb.

Your sepulcher swells into ashen
skies---I am alone in this bone-yard
as despondency permeates the air.

I cannot go back, my eyes are
not bright, but draped in rue,
blood-filled and glutted.

And pallid will fingers trench
the soil, scratch at the copse,
splintering, plead your return.

As if the sun had begun it's climb
instead of ending it, as if this was
the first breath of morning,
instead of your demise.

* added a silly site counter. wee-haw!

Thursday, June 23, 2005

One word- Scary

An ocean girl

I realized that I am in mourning. You see, I grew up on the northern coast of California- as a child I played in Bodega Bay & Sonoma. I love the soft seasoned scent of the salty air and the feeling overall. The people are different as well; they are more relaxed and giving. I am going to miss it all very much. I love the east coast, but it has such a different flavor. I have a lot of friends up there and know that it will be a blast, but nothing can take the place of the pacific ocean.

I haven't been to The Versifier in a few days. I have had so much to do, but hope to get some things done there today. Only a week and a half til moving day & I still have to run to Phoenix to empty out a storage shed there!

My mum moved there a few yrs ago and I have loads of stuff to pick up. I'm excited to see my brother Anthony. Anthony is 17, 6ft and so adorable! I crack up when my mum tells stories of how she once took him to a punk rock concert and went into the pit! Haha! That was a few yrs ago, but still funny. I took Anthony & Jason to the OZZFEST in 2003 and we had a great time. I have a huge family- Kim, Lori, Anthony, Jason, Denise, Richie, Justin & Travis! Wee- freakin- haw!

Also, I finished this issue of Surface and it should be up soon. We have artists from all over the world and it should be quite interesting! Now I have to get the new IBPC Blog done- it's going to be great!

Anyway, I have much to do! I'll write more later.

Monday, June 20, 2005

Memories of Mother

I recall one winter, my mother on a whim,
took us to the city through the northern hills,
a lunch packed on the front seat, her
cigarettes on the dash.

And the dips in the road, the scene-stealers
that caught each one of us, lifting our bellies
through the season as mother passed over.

She laughed, drove faster and when another
awaited in the mist, we'd gasp and pause, like
moments one enters early morn, the forest

perhaps, or the faint climate just east of
the window: when reverberations die down,
no traffic, wind, no children at play-

that hush second, before it all rushes on.

Thursday, June 16, 2005

The Blower's Daughter

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Northern Ca- 2005 (I took this in the spring-Del Puerto Canyon.)

A photo I took off the pier in San Francisco.


I come
with the afternoon
on my back-

room by room,
I pass through
the blind.

-from my latest piece-lonelily

soft and only
lost and lonely
strange as angels
dancing in the deepest oceans
twisting in the water
you're just like a dream...
you're just like a dream...

daylight licked me into shape
i must have been asleep for days
and moving lips to breathe her name
i opened up my eyes
and found myself alone
above a raging sea
that stole the only girl i loved
and drowned her deep inside of me

soft and only
lost and lonely
just like heaven

the cure-

Summer Days!

I found this w/o credit! AND take a look at those tasty socks!

When the Sun Falls Behind the Palm

When the Sun Falls Behind the Palm
(Not the right structure, but I'm sleepy.)

I stood in jeans waiting
for you to arrive,
fingertips running
through hair, body seeking
the right position against the wall.

You walked in like the sun,
a rhythm I had waited years
to feel in the curve of my spine.

I know I did not tell you,
but your eyes, Christ,
they left me
stumbling like an actor
for the right words.

The days seemed to go on forever.
we made love like Neruda;
flesh becoming warm, the evening,
or the memory of rainfall-
and sometimes when you stroked
my cheek,
I felt the future
in your touch.

I can still sense your presence here,
like the summered sun that rests
along the path,
still taste those days
as I glide my hands over the scent
you left behind.

♥ "I watched you suffer a dull aching pain, now you decided to show me the same. No sweeping exits or offstage lines, could make me feel bitter or treat you unkind...." The Rolling Stones
♥ "Unclothed, you are true, like one of your hands, lissome, terrestrial, slight, complete, translucent..." Neruda


Today was busier than ever! I am not sure I even got much done. I am going to grab a cappuccino and write for a little bit, to relax. The Versifier is doing quite well- the mods and members are doing an outstanding job! I like not having to worry about it. Now I get other things done. I need to get the paper work done for my newest book! I have been putting it off- I need to get on the phone and get things taken care of.

This weekend I want to go shooting, I don't care where. I need it and have been slacking! Anyway, I'll write more later. Ciao!

You are Betty Grable

The ulitmate girl next door
You're the perfect girl for most guys
Pretty yet approachable. Beautiful yet real.

What Famous Pinup Are You? Take This Quiz :-)


Diet Root Beer, Piano, etc.

A survey. Because I can't resist this kind of thing.

1: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, find line 4. Write down what it says: "Tavern on the Green." It's the Zagat Restaurant Survey for New York City, 2002.

2: Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What do you touch first?:
The rail of the stairway.

3: What is the last thing you watched on TV?:
A&E- The Perfect Crime-The Zodiac Killer

4: A good drink is…:
Diet root beer.

5: Grooming product you don't want to be without:

6: With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?:
The cat is purring at me expectantly. I don't know what she wants. Traffic on the rainy street outside.

7: When did you last step outside? what were you doing?:
This morning- I ran errands.

8: What are you currently reading?
A few chapbooks.

9: What are you wearing?:
PJ bottoms with puppies on them & a white cotton tee.

10: Did you dream last night? What about?:
I didn't dream. I didn't sleep well either. I kept waking up to drink water, take my socks off, put my socks on, reorganize the pillows.

11: What did you last eat?
Some strawberries.

12: What is on the walls of the room you are in?:
Nothing much anymore- I've been packing.

13: Seen anything weird lately?:
A guy by the pool that looks like John Oates from Hall & Oates. He was w/o a shirt and quite funny looking.

14: What are your hobbies? Kick boxing, piano, key boards, poetry, reading, photography, web design, editing and dancing.

15: What is the last film you saw?:

16: If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy first?:
An art studio.

17: Tell me something about you that I don't know:
I never wear the color pink.

18: If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?: Change the way we treat animals so that it is humane and respectful, most particularly the way meat and animal byproducts are produced and consumed.

19: Do you like to dance? Have you ever made your own routine?:
Love it. Won 1st place in a contest once. Plenty of times! I just made one for 'Every you, every me'- by placebo.

20: What do you think of this quiz?:
Mezza- mezza.

Friday, June 10, 2005


Today was very busy. I had an IBPC meeting and various other things going on. Yesterday, I renovated the entire board:

and still our members are barely coming back. The entire EZboard hack has been horror. I am not whining, but I had a lot of hrs invested in it.

I did a lot of packing these last few days. It's amazing all the things you decide you don't need. I threw so much junk away. I must of packed 8 boxes just of poetry, medical and history books! I still have a whole closet full of books! I don't mind-I'm moving and happy about it all!

I will finish up my book stuff and get that out in the mail. I think this will be my best book yet! I have some connections in N.Y. and other places and will try to get some readings booked. I look forward to holding another book in my hand. Yes, I'm excited.

That is my photo. It is in third place for $1000.00! I'm pretty proud of it. I love photography and it is paying off. (I even had some people email me about buying a few.)Anyone who has not taken up the hobby of photography, should. It's one of the most gratifying things one can do. I remember Monterey & Carmel...spent the entire day on a secluded beach shooting. 'Sigh'.

Anyway, the lights just went on & off and who knows why. Perhaps there was an accident. I'm off.

Saturday, June 04, 2005


This week was like an ocean tide. I won't go into it.

I have been quite busy though, with my new 60 pg book, Surface, 2 featured poet interviews and another on Poetry Super Highway .

Been listening to Placebo a lot as of late. It seems to calm me. I love music. I made a CD to listen to while I pack. We are moving to the east coast in 5 weeks. I'm actually very excited. I cannot wait to shoot all the scenery on our way either.

You know, it's great to be surrounded by such great friends. I say this because ezboard got hacked and all my mods and members are showing such great support. I feel grateful and hope we are on our way again! I sat here, staring at the screen when I first saw what the hacker had done. I almost went into tears, but I realized that there is life outside of the internet. I still have my home, health and more. (We just have to wait for a restoral and move on.) I really did not want to get into all that. 'sigh'

My Playlist for this week:

Collide-Howie Day
Can't take my eyes off you-Damien Rice
Every you, every me-Placebo
I'm nothing without you-Placebo
Lowdown-Boz Skaggs
I know-Placebo
Rooster-Alice in Chains
Dreams-The Cranberries
La Passione-Gigi D'Agostino

No matter what happened this week, I've been blessed. I have a wonderful life and am happy in my heart. I have been writing and feel confident in myself. I know that I always do my best, sometimes I do too much, but I feel good about it and stand behind whatever I do 100%.
I carry few regrets.

I think the only regret that I truly have is 2003. I wish it never happened, wish I could wish it away. I made a lot of wrong choices in my relationship and trusted too much. Ii have learned from my mistakes and feel warm inside knowing that I never took revenge. Although, I was hit hard in that area myself. I was blamed for such odd things that only a true con artist could make up. 'Sighs'. I know what is right and what is wrong and still shrug off those bad vibes.

Have you ever heard Gigi D'Agostino? You should! He is a DJ from Italy and had hit the US charts. He was only played in underground clubs like in San Francisco. He hit the US hard and ended up with radio play. I remember when I first heard him on the radio with 'I'll Fly With You'. I was so happy for him! My favorite songs from him are 'La Passione' & ' I'll Fly With You', but the remixed version. He's a doll. :)

Anyway, I better close for now. I hope you all had a great week. Ciao

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

Confessions Before Dawn-

What is it
that excites you?

Do you long to touch
lips to mine?

I can feel the layers
of your defenses

become thinner,
sometimes, so fragile

that I could pierce
them entirely
with a single word.

If I were to open
myself to you
like a lily
on the lake---

tell me, Tendermouth,
who is it we'll be
by morning?

Adulthood- A Testimony Beneath Autumn Skies

Cast back to adolesence, I chose
the path unknown, strength subsided
into blackberry fields and stretches
where he first stroked me.
The stench of trespass, of what could be,
filled the October air.
Thoughts scattered, begged for release
as I tore at the earth in delight,
scratched a cry-hole for redemption.
And at seventeen, rescue from proverbial
flames were welcomed, almost yearned.


I need cappuccino, the beach, and a good book. :/

Today, today

Today was a sort of day that felt rushed. I had no time for anything, but wanted desperately to write. I had a very calming and long email today from a friend named, John. I am a fan of his writing and try to hold back as much as possible. I don't want to look like a 16 yr old at her first concert. I'm pretty good at holding my feelings in and think quick in times when needed. Perhaps that is why my goal is emergency med. To get back to the subject...Ok, we are going off it again. ;) Have you ever thought someone to be more than what they really are? Assumed someone was like a torch in the sky, only to realize they are human? It happened today and boy was I ever satisfied knowing John is just that.

He has been published in more places then I have ever and is well deserving. One thing that tickles me is that we have been published together a lot. That's is very inspiring. Jimmy and john would probably get along well, just like UV. Guys, they are so alike! The Ramones this, yadda, yadda. ;) Speaking of ole UV, gosh what a great guy! There's one that I just know that no matter where we go in our lives, we will always be friends. I like that.

The boards were crazy today, all the mods relaying back and forth that it made me think of the scene in Weird Science. The one in the shower stall, where they are going back & forth quickly, only showing their mouths! Ha! I love these guys! My mods are some of the best ever. Each and every one. Ryan...Oh, my Ryan! He is like the sweetest, most irritating brat of a brother! I love him.

--From Ryan:


you summed me up nice in your journal!


i consider myself 'one' of the smartest persons, having the unique ability to cannabilize that same intelligance with self-doubt and uncertainty. influenced beyond easy. and i am the sweetest/irritating person on the planet :)

i bet your wondering if you are lucky or cursed to have met me - the answer will no doubt get much more complex with time. enjoy the riddle of ryan. or beware for the riddle forthcoming.

wednessday afternoon v. best-

:) Ha!

Erin and Cass, gentle and firm....Beautiful. Those two will not take any crap, but would be there for you in a heartbeat. I'd die w/o those them. I also admire my mods writing. They are one talented bunch. Paura, wow! He is out level headed mod, the quiet, kind sort that will back you up in a flash. Ryan is the quick thinker, the head mod, smart, but influenced too easily, cute, and funny. Pikey, every team needs a burly bully with a heart of gold. Michael, kind and studious, Simone, smart and a busy, busy guy. Wulf, gentle and so freaking funny! Papa, hilarious and experimental.

So, yea, I love and need this bunch to keep me sane. Did I go off topic or what? OK, today started off with the steering column of my Sonata pulled off! Someone tried to jack my freakin car! Then, the excitement of John and a secret guest. Gosh, how fun was that! I had a lot to do today, but everything worked out in the end. I suppose tomorrow if I wake w/o a car...I'll be yacking like an Italian, hands moving and speaking too quickly for my own good. ONE of these nights, I am going to hide in my back seat and kick the door open, when my little prowler come floating along in all his glory! I am going to jump out and kick his a@#!!! Hey, I have been kick boxing for almost 5 yrs now! :0

Anyway, as you can see, it's late and I need sleep, but I wanted to write in this dusty journal. So, today (yea) I'm happy. xo

Tuesday, April 05, 2005


So many things going on at this time! I have been super busy with everything. I hope all is well out there in computerland! I will write more later! Ciao!


Thursday, January 13, 2005

Across Wires and Wingsong

notoriety sits at the edge
of leather bound books and charm;
he belongs to the city.

the air swells as fertile lips speak across
wind's tapestry. i can feel him move
in steadybreath, pulling goosebumps
from my skin.

he says he is crazy, i think he must be wrong,
for it is i, who is high-strung
on the sound of the beep, who becomes restless
beneath concrete streets
and casual conversation.
somethings never change.

just me...


Take bread away from me, if you wish,
take air away, but
do not take from me your laughter.

Do not take away the rose,
the lance flower that you pluck,
the water that suddenly
bursts forth in joy,
the sudden wave
of silver born in you.

My struggle is harsh and I come back
with eyes tired
at times from having seen
the unchanging earth,
but when your laughter enters
it rises to the sky seeking me
and it opens for me all
the doors of life.

My love, in the darkest
hour your laughter
opens, and if suddenly
you see my blood staining
the stones of the street,
laugh, because your laughter
will be for my hands
like a fresh sword.

Next to the sea in the autumn,
your laughter must raise
its foamy cascade,
and in the spring, love,
I want your laughter like
the flower I was waiting for,
the blue flower, the rose
of my echoing country.

Laugh at the night,
at the day, at the moon,
laugh at the twisted
streets of the island,
laugh at this clumsy
boy who loves you,
but when I open
my eyes and close them,
when my steps go,
when my steps return,
deny me bread, air,
light, spring,
but never your laughter
for I would die.

Pablo Neruda

Why would anyone ever hurt another? I see it all the time - people doing for themselves, stepping on other's toes to get wherever they think might be Heaven.
People are strange.

Wednesday, January 12, 2005

You Still Have All of Me

in winter i lie beside hills
of banked poetry, making angels,
still and cold.
the upsurge of sensual verse
and an endless love
follow me from sausalito
to the san francisco bay.

everywhere i go,
i am the city's lover. i celebrate
and rush towards her shores
with an awkward motion, each gust
an unspoken longing,
stirring within.

the seasons blur
and carry with them the scent
of sonoma wine that circles
high above the skyline.

i remain alive in here,
the sound of the ocean at dawn
captures me---
with the softness of a tear
that idles beneath my lid
and i will write each chapter
of my life beside her
as grapes bend over
the mountains,
fading into a falling sun.

In This Moment

Today was insane, but I won't go into details. Not now, perhaps later.


I pensieri gradiscono una riunione della tempesta-

RML - It's been a super long day...

"Occasional collisions unexpectedly encountered determine the direction of a lifetime."-Elias Canetti

Wednesday, January 05, 2005

New Year

Hey everyone,

I hope your new year was grand. I have been very sick as of late. I have an infection in a nerve beside my ear. Anyway, the holidays were great. I need to get back on track asap. planning a huge move and there is so much to do. I will write more later. Hugs. P.s., published in the beat! Ciao.


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