Confessions Before Dawn-

What is it
that excites you?

Do you long to touch
lips to mine?

I can feel the layers
of your defenses

become thinner,
sometimes, so fragile

that I could pierce
them entirely
with a single word.

If I were to open
myself to you
like a lily
on the lake---

tell me, Tendermouth,
who is it we'll be
by morning?

Adulthood- A Testimony Beneath Autumn Skies

Cast back to adolesence, I chose
the path unknown, strength subsided
into blackberry fields and stretches
where he first stroked me.
The stench of trespass, of what could be,
                        filled the October air.
Thoughts scattered, begged for release
as I tore at the earth in delight,
scratched a cry-hole for redemption.
And at seventeen, rescue from proverbial
flames were welcomed, almost yearned. 

Watchmen...

I need cappuccino, the beach, and a good book. :/

Today, today

Today was a sort of day that felt rushed. I had no time for anything, but wanted desperately to write. I had a very calming and long email today from a friend named, John. I am a fan of his writing and try to hold back as much as possible. I don't want to look like a 16 yr old at her first concert. I'm pretty good at holding my feelings in and think quick in times when needed. Perhaps that is why my goal is emergency med. To get back to the subject...Ok, we are going off it again. ;) Have you ever thought someone to be more than what they really are? Assumed someone was like a torch in the sky, only to realize they are human? It happened today and boy was I ever satisfied knowing John is just that.

He has been published in more places then I have ever and is well deserving. One thing that tickles me is that we have been published together a lot. That's is very inspiring. Jimmy and john would probably get along well, just like UV. Guys, they are so alike! The Ramones this, yadda, yadda. ;) Speaking of ole UV, gosh what a great guy! There's one that I just know that no matter where we go in our lives, we will always be friends. I like that.

The boards were crazy today, all the mods relaying back and forth that it made me think of the scene in Weird Science. The one in the shower stall, where they are going back & forth quickly, only showing their mouths! Ha! I love these guys! My mods are some of the best ever. Each and every one. Ryan...Oh, my Ryan! He is like the sweetest, most irritating brat of a brother! I love him.

--From Ryan:

ferro-

you summed me up nice in your journal!

:)

i consider myself 'one' of the smartest persons, having the unique ability to cannabilize that same intelligance with self-doubt and uncertainty. influenced beyond easy. and i am the sweetest/irritating person on the planet :)

i bet your wondering if you are lucky or cursed to have met me - the answer will no doubt get much more complex with time. enjoy the riddle of ryan. or beware for the riddle forthcoming.

wednessday afternoon v. best-
ryan

:) Ha!

Erin and Cass, gentle and firm....Beautiful. Those two will not take any crap, but would be there for you in a heartbeat. I'd die w/o those them. I also admire my mods writing. They are one talented bunch. Paura, wow! He is out level headed mod, the quiet, kind sort that will back you up in a flash. Ryan is the quick thinker, the head mod, smart, but influenced too easily, cute, and funny. Pikey, every team needs a burly bully with a heart of gold. Michael, kind and studious, Simone, smart and a busy, busy guy. Wulf, gentle and so freaking funny! Papa, hilarious and experimental.

So, yea, I love and need this bunch to keep me sane. Did I go off topic or what? OK, today started off with the steering column of my Sonata pulled off! Someone tried to jack my freakin car! Then, the excitement of John and a secret guest. Gosh, how fun was that! I had a lot to do today, but everything worked out in the end. I suppose tomorrow if I wake w/o a car...I'll be yacking like an Italian, hands moving and speaking too quickly for my own good. ONE of these nights, I am going to hide in my back seat and kick the door open, when my little prowler come floating along in all his glory! I am going to jump out and kick his a@#!!! Hey, I have been kick boxing for almost 5 yrs now! :0

Anyway, as you can see, it's late and I need sleep, but I wanted to write in this dusty journal. So, today (yea) I'm happy. xo

Hiya!

So many things going on at this time! I have been super busy with everything. I hope all is well out there in computerland! I will write more later! Ciao!

Cher

Across Wires and Wingsong

notoriety sits at the edge
        of leather bound books and charm;
                he belongs to the city.

the air swells as fertile lips speak across
wind's tapestry. i can feel him move
in steadybreath, pulling goosebumps
        from my skin.

he says he is crazy, i think he must be wrong,
for it is i, who is high-strung
on the sound of the beep, who becomes restless
        beneath concrete streets
                and casual conversation.
        somethings never change. 

just me...

Neruda

Take bread away from me, if you wish,
take air away, but
do not take from me your laughter.

Do not take away the rose,
the lance flower that you pluck,
the water that suddenly
bursts forth in joy,
the sudden wave
of silver born in you.

My struggle is harsh and I come back
with eyes tired
at times from having seen
the unchanging earth,
but when your laughter enters
it rises to the sky seeking me
and it opens for me all
the doors of life.

My love, in the darkest
hour your laughter
opens, and if suddenly
you see my blood staining
the stones of the street,
laugh, because your laughter
will be for my hands
like a fresh sword.

Next to the sea in the autumn,
your laughter must raise
its foamy cascade,
and in the spring, love,
I want your laughter like
the flower I was waiting for,
the blue flower, the rose
of my echoing country.

Laugh at the night,
at the day, at the moon,
laugh at the twisted
streets of the island,
laugh at this clumsy
boy who loves you,
but when I open
my eyes and close them,
when my steps go,
when my steps return,
deny me bread, air,
light, spring,
but never your laughter
for I would die.

Pablo Neruda

Why would anyone ever hurt another? I see it all the time - people doing for themselves, stepping on other's toes to get wherever they think might be Heaven. People are strange.

You Still Have All of Me

in winter i lie beside hills
of banked poetry, making angels,
still and cold.
the upsurge of sensual verse
and an endless love
follow me from sausalito
 to the san francisco bay.

 everywhere i go,
i am the city's lover. i celebrate
and rush towards her shores
with an awkward motion, each gust
an unspoken longing,
lingering,
 stirring within.

 the seasons blur
and carry with them the scent
of sonoma wine that circles
high above the skyline.

i remain alive in here,
the sound of the ocean at dawn
captures me---
with the softness of a tear 
that idles beneath my lid
and i will write each chapter
of my life beside her
as grapes bend over
the mountains,
 fading into a falling sun.

In This Moment

Today was insane, but I won't go into details. Not now, perhaps later.

Percipience

I pensieri gradiscono una riunione della tempesta-


RML - It's been a super long day...

"Occasional collisions unexpectedly encountered determine the direction of a lifetime."-Elias Canetti

New Year

Hey everyone,

I hope your new year was grand. I have been very sick as of late. I have an infection in a nerve beside my ear. Anyway, the holidays were great. I need to get back on track asap. planning a huge move and there is so much to do. I will write more later. Hugs. P.s., published in the beat! Ciao.

The Meaning of Life

http://www.pshares.org/

I Crave Your Mouth, Your Voice, Your Hair

I Crave Your Mouth, Your Voice, Your Hair


DON'T GO FAR OFF, NOT EVEN FOR A DAY
Don't go far off, not even for a day, because --
because -- I don't know how to say it: a day is long
and I will be waiting for you, as in an empty station
when the trains are parked off somewhere else, asleep.

Don't leave me, even for an hour, because
then the little drops of anguish will all run together,
the smoke that roams looking for a home will drift
into me, choking my lost heart.

Oh, may your silhouette never dissolve on the beach;
may your eyelids never flutter into the empty distance.
Don't leave me for a second, my dearest,

because in that moment you'll have gone so far
I'll wander mazily over all the earth, asking,
Will you come back? Will you leave me here, dying?

Pablo Neruda


-The poet who inspires me

The Asylum

standing in the shower,
i cup the water in my hands,

pour it over my face

---in perpetuum
and try;

i try so damn hard,
but i cannot wash away
the solitude,

it seeps through my bones
like a cheap fragrance
or someone else's rain.