Friday, May 30, 2008

A heart is a heart,...

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... in any language.

Been a long week for me. Ugh! ;)

I have had SO much to do! Well, it is over for now anyway, yea? That is a good thing. I may go to NYC this weekend just to get away. Not sure at the moment. I am thinking more on the "I will not go" side right now.

I really need to get out and get some images. I know that it brings so much Peace to my heart. Trust me, my heart needs it. My soul needs kissed.

Curious, someone told me yesterday, while sitting beside me on a sofa, "You are gorgeous, Cher. This is one of those moments that I will never forget. This moment speaking to you. Your personality is so cool. You know, you meet people at parties and places like that. And the next day, you forget a lot of them. But you, well, you are unique. I will not forget you"

I forget my answer. I think it was a bratty one, like "I know." And I laughed. (Well, I then thanked them, of course. But I had to joke a little, yes?) They smiled.

Hmm,... I remember thinking, "Whatever." I mean, I am having some serious trust issues at the moment, and I just do not believe much anymore. I guess actions, for me, speak louder than words. More now than ever. Not only that, it is also the fact that when told I was beautiful by someone these last few weeks, I wonder if those words were true. ... Or perhaps just to bring me a smile. (I think they used to be true in March or so.)

Gosh, I want to believe they still really think that. Not that I need to be told how I am, it is just that I need to feel words as much as hearing them. Maybe it is because I am a writer. Maybe it is because I am a brat. Perhaps it is for some other reason. Who knows.

Random thought: Why do so many people leave? Well, not a lot of people, but the ones that I need and love, like my sister and others? Why? It makes it so hard to breathe. So very hard.

In other news, I felt sick last night. In fact, I had a hard time sleeping. Then I was called into work very late. I am home now, but I am on my way to an appointment.

Last night seemed to be the longest night of my life. I spoke to a colleague and read some information. Afterwards, I went to the restroom and prayed. I prayed for so much. Mostly, I prayed for air. The one person that I know who really cares, is God. So, I had to unload my heart to him.

I just feel like collapsing. My heart hurts. It has endured much more than anyone deserves. Perhaps it is what I deserve.

I guess it is all inside. I mean, it depends on how much you care, yea? The more you care, the more your heart will hurt. That is why I am starting to believe that a heart of stone is much better than the one I have inside my chest. At least that way, no one can get inside. Not at all. Well, not without a hammer. And, the ones that are deep within my heart already,... will remain forever.

I am now running late, and I am rambling on here. I have about 15 minutes to get to my appointment! (Yes, I am that bratty!!!)

So, a big hug for you all. Sorry for any typos, but I have no time to worry about such things at the moment. Have a nice day. xo

-Cher

8 comments to Cher:

J.Samario said...

I haven't heard from ya, Cher-i-o. :) Where ya at? Let me guess, winning hearts? Laughing at your own goofy jokes? Hehe....I know, making the world a beautiful place with your smile?? ;)

Email me, brat!

Jeremy
P.s......heart of stone? You? I don't see that happening at all. :) You're such a sweetie, Cher. One BIG HUG!!
P.s.s......don't let any man take that pretty smile from your face, Cher. I mean it!! The planet would die without it. ;)

Anonymous said...

...GOD is not the only one who cares.


...I will always be right beside you kitten.


...bratty? That's why I love you.

a song for cherilyns heart said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wVyggTKDcOE

this music reminds me of you cher. your tears will be your boyfriends heartache..

Cherilyn Ferroggiaro said...

Grazie. I truly appreciate all your comments and thoughts. I do not know what I will do at the moment, but be sure, I feel like giving up. I am just so tired.

I am much too sleepy to truly respond to you all right now, as well. I will try to do so later in the week.

Sending a million hugs to each and every one of your hearts.

Again, grazie.

-Cher

(Time to put some happier music on, yea?) I will do so before I go to sleep tonight.

Anonymous said...

Sleep well kitten, GOD knows, you deserve it. Call me when you get the chance, always make time to talk to you.

Love you.


Jim

Cherilyn Ferroggiaro said...

Grazie, my friend. ... and thank you for always making time to speak.

I will call you soon, I promise. I do not feel well at the moment, and just need a good rest.

((Hugs)) and have a good night.

-Cher

(Sleep well, you say? I could sleep forever.)

Cherilyn Ferroggiaro said...

And, gosh it feels so cold here tonight. I will wash my face, brush my teeth, put on warm pajamas, and fall to sleep to my music playing here. It somehow soothes the soul.

((Hugs))

Anonymous said...

...if you fall asleep forever, I will ride to your side upon my tall steed, and I will kiss away the sleep from your eyes.

...the world will not turn without you in it.

...this, I promise you.

Good night kitten.

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