Tuesday, June 03, 2008

Laughter and tears


What an odd, but fun day yesterday.

It started not so good, but those kind of days sometimes turn out for the better. In the afternoon I painted a lot. Meghan and I talked a lot on life and such. And we laughed so much over this guy who we had thought was with his mother. It was in fact, his girlfriend. He was so angry with us, but we could not help but giggle.

You see, she had a pair of trousers held up against his waist in the department store. I whispered to Meghan, "How cute, his mum is buying him trousers." Then at the cashier, Meghan said, "There is that guy, Cher." We smiled, but he gave us such a bad look. Then out at Meghan's car, he stopped. He asked us what was wrong. He told us she was pregnant. That confused us. So we said, "Your mum is pregnant? Not sure what that has to do with anything." He screamed, (... and I mean screamed) "She's not my mother!!!"

He then put his middle finger out and drove away fast. Well, what could we do? We had to laugh, yea? ;) What made me laugh was the way he screamed it. I mean, it was SO whiny. Almost as if he had to explain that to others prior to us. I do not know.

Afterwards, Sara and I went for sushi, went to the supermarket, I emailed a few people, turned on my play list here and then went to sleep. Well, I guess I could mention the fact that I have not driven my new car at night before, (maybe once, but I have forgotten). So, I sat in it for about 5 minutes trying to figure out how to turn the lights on. How did I do it? Well, that is easy, I used the owner's manual! Hahahaha! ;) (I parked near a light pole, and did not notice the lights were already on.... so, I drove with the high beams for about a half of a mile!)

I assume it will be a nice day,... I woke to the sounds of Mathew singing outside in a tree. (He is so beautiful.) I have a busy day with an appointment, have to go to my work, and am meeting up with my friend Joey for coffee this afternoon.

Scott and I might meet up in Philadelphia this weekend for some relaxing photography, food, and attractions. Scott has been my friend for years. We have decided that he will be my lawyer if I ever have a malpractice suit, and I will save his life in the ER someday! Hahaha! (Nope!) ;) (We always tease each other.) In fact, he can be a bigger brat than I could ever be! Really! His motto is: "Behaving badly is still behaving!" See? Haha!

Hmm, what else can I say here this morning? :)

I was just looking for an image to place in this post, and smiling. I saw some images of Victor in my photobucket account. Then I notice "Far Away" playing here on my play list. I feel a tear coming down my cheek, and I think I will finish this post in a moment.

My poor heart. Again, you either stand or you fall. The thing is, I told him when he first said he loved me, "No." Then I began to really trust it all. To trust him. Now look where I am. And you guys ask why I do not trust much? Why I want a heart of stone? Why, why, why. I guess I fell.

And he JUST told me about 3 weeks ago how much he adored me. He JUST said he was SO in love with me.

I sent him an email on 4/30. It had a wish in it of the sun kissing his cheek. I wished him a beautiful day. (And I had really wished this for him.) His response:

"My Cherilyn, dearest,

... and the sun came, and spoke to me of you. And he told me not nice things to the mind, but beautiful ones to the heart. And he sent me a kiss, as warm as only a nice sunlight can give in a special moment. I closed my eyes, and I enjoyed the moment. Smiling. Smiling in my heart.

Such is my morning, and such is the kiss I felt, my dear, with the sun and your words. With your heart and your feelings.

And I can only but say:

I love you so much, my dearest!!!

And I had no idea that when he wrote that, he was planning on leaving me. How could I have known within such sweet and loving words. Perhaps they were just words.

How can you fall out of love so quickly? And, what can I do? I must realize that smiles can be deceiving. I just love people so much and truly believed. I am not angry with him at all. In fact, I only hope good things for him, because he is truly a good person. It is just that I think it killed my heart. ... or at least severed it. All I can say that it has taught me a valuable Life lesson.

I see the best in everyone. I thought I had something with him, but he said no. I will just add him to the list of...

(I just do not know what side he is on, you know?)

Not to joke about it, but I guess a person can only handle a brat for so long, yea? ;) I joke through tears,... I guess it helps. It also helps to write about it. It soothes my soul somewhat. Perhaps it just pushes the knife into my chest further? Who knows. But this is my diary and I see no reason to candy-coat my life, words, or thoughts. I just write it as I see it. It all comes from my heart, whether it is good or not. Sadly, my heart speaks through pain at the moment. ((Hugs))

My new motto: "Give me what you got. Go ahead, put it out there, I am all ears."

Anyway, I feel extremely sleepy today, and have not had coffee yet. I am going to go make some, take a bath, and go on with my day.


2 comments to Cher:

Anonymous said...

Do I have to come and kiss away your tears? Can I help you forget your pain? Tell me what I can do make you smile again. Do I have that special something to put the pieces of your heart back together again? Am I worthy of such a honor? I think not, but I dream of the chance just the same. You say you cannot trust; some say that is best, I say it is not a wise thing to throw the caution of your heart to the winds, for we know not from whence the came, or where they will take us, but we travel their journey just the same. Listen to the wind my love, hear my heart beat for you, the sound travels within it's journey. Cry no more tears for the one who does not have a broken heart to mend, for he is not worthy of you. For to lose such beauty is to see nothing beautiful ever again. Let me look into your moistened eyes and I will kiss away your tears, for your heart will never break again.

Enjoy your day kitten, I will see you dancing, even if only in my dreams.

...bear HUG, just for you!!!

Your soulmate someday? said...

Cher, this dude stopped with you, he's the crazy one, dear. Move onto better & brighter days. When someone says they love you & then don't, it's them, not you. They're confused, never mind it. Find someone who'll treat you right, Cher. I've known you for some years now, & I've got no problem with you at all. You're really sweet & fun, Cher, & beautiful. Like I said....never mind him. Let him cry for you now & he'll do it. When we first met, I thought you'd never chat with me....but you did. You walked right up (remember?) & started laughing about something. I really liked your smile, Cher. So use it to your advantage & go break some damn hearts, girl! Forget everyone & everything else....nothing else matters but your heart mending & your reasons to smile again. I saw how happy you were with him & was very happy for you. I'm surprised he could stop with you. He's lost his only chance for something real good. Forget this dude, Cher. Give the rest of us a chance for something with you.


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