Spring is here and colors are taking shape everywhere you turn. Today I must of passed 300 tulips, just on my way to run errands. Such a lovely scene. I hope everyone is enjoying the season.

I have been so backed up in my email and messages - sorry for that. I plan on taking Saturday morning and writing everyone back. :)



That is a photo I took in the Poconos - such beautiful creatures.

preghiera serale

[ a small pleasure of birds, (preghiera serale) ]

I'm suddenly older
I mean, of course, how wily silence and nothing else
has happened. Like everyone else, I have only a first
few scattered thoughts out there in front of me
so starkly, wanting, to soften beyond the heart's
invisible, never obvious, reaches. I think of bedsheets
not quite warm, I think tables full of dirty dishes,
I think my legs are tree trunks sunk in grass
each time my heart is broken. Behind the grocery store
there's a mountain of bruised peaches. Slovenly present
with evening upon it. Bones, I feel my bones. You said
I have vanished under fingers, sublimated, and I've lost
a scene set in brooklyn, hours ago, when I fell asleep
and started to dream. There were distant sirens, drifting
like leaves through the streets I don't know the names of.
Suitably I might have asked you for a glass of water. You'd say,
the future of rain is river. But tonight the rivers are black.
I think entrapment comes up as a metaphor. We've never met.
Still, there is a prayer, like the night, it whispers
through the poplars, it is the color of my throat:
we love & we love & we love & we love & we love
but it turns out there’s nothing much to say
or translate into italian at the end.
* * * * *

how i

[ how i love you... ]

     madly.
some moments, increasingly,
 all sorts of,
     in    a
           haze

(lungs) drowned in the little room
with tears a night field.

are can: to make unbearable
   wishing we are we can; and, any turn,
   any any turn, this here, the as grassy
 as quiet,
       the hours in the sea

the poem was cloud, an impossible sing

pulled under unseen being some
 moments wishing sitting together
have like, all sense
       pulled under flat, pulled under
    under, again, some moments, pulled

irrational, even irrational
    breathed windows, most
 a blush. whole thing     forgive (me)

again but your absence
suffocates      a lacey turned little
body putting my mind to room, silently

   hearing your eyes
in the photograph, at the ceiling
 even kissing you up to your chin

your hum is flung from a tuning for –
tulip in mis shapen dark, flickering after
     growing

inconsiderable morning. to the whirr of daft
up forced the nigh
     a little her to hand, the ah ah of room burst light
always i scream
       i imagine lips
    lips enough, lips touch
   candles your all      always i imagine
to eat out of your
    empty hands. of your mouth, quietly, wearil

to make you feel madly        could is i think
much, anyway, i stand very still.

i will unveil you, passively, in the breathing,
     come, a long pause
               wishing

One of my favorite places to shoot

Flesh-notes

O lover,
O sweet boy -
I sit beside myself for hours, tremulous,
words or breath, moist, palms open as if
                     to say "I am yours."

        I think of you when I see
Khan 's painting — a woman, a man,
her hair twisted in his hand, lilies strewn
skillfully across
a marble floor.

'The Kiss' either beneath the window
or against the wall—
it does not
matter:
           your tongue slips and I col     lapse,
taste confection on the wire.

The flat of my belly, dark hair, poised lip,
and finger— ex posed,
                   for you.

Seated now, along the rail, I shift, bend,
open, like a river to sea and I oh, oh,
the look in your eyes,
                 the ache of your hand—
         I am seamless, sweetened with
                        each new touch.

Nails shape your back in red, map out where
we have been -
a fetish — dramatic pierce,
a maddened
kiss,
swept in a moment, like O'Hara or perhaps
the way Neruda might after a night of
                               poetry—
how a woman taught him devotion in spring,
left his hand
ashen against paper.

For you, my dress on the chair,
shadowed in the night, movements, soft,
unrehearsed
beneath the crest of your body.
I am brilliant, a silhouette on the backdrop of
Italy, where your storm sweeps me to reverie,
where I am stret ched,

                              like winter snow.

You brush a curl from my
cheek— your fingers tremble. I could lose
myself now,

become adrift in your thoughts.
I could escape the heated air, the scent of flesh,
the bloom
of beauty before me,

to run toward the open sea, where I would
sink transparent on the sand, where my will is no
longer my own.

            And as dawn arrives, night slips out
—left are two lovers inside a painting, quiet on
canvas, exhausted and in love.

Draft II 

Photos I took in b&w

The Meaning of True Love

Being a photographer, this video holds a place in my heart - brings tears to my eyes. Please push play. Nite. xo

Sad Patrol - Metallica

Ever since I can remember I have liked 'Sad But True' by Metallica. I always sang it loudly and confident. I esp loved the 'Sad Patrol' part! I thought it was
very creative. :)

Yesterday I find that it is not 'sad patrol' but, 'Sad but true'. I actually thought it was called 'Sad Patrol' as well. Eh - what do I know.

So, it came on today while out shooting and off I went... "I'm your eyes when you must steal, I’m your pain when you can’t feel... sad patrol."

I like it better that way. ;)

Stats

I get a lot of traffic here each day - from Canada to Australia, even further. Perhaps, I should ditch the whole chicken story, yea?

As if By Sea

O love, speak to me—
should we end as quickly as we
began?

I slip past your lips tonight, find myself
inside flesh and each second, I witness
you for the first time.

And I know now that it will not be you
who catches my fall: there is nothing
connecting us anymore, but space.

For a moment, I rest in the deep of
your throat— beautiful and low, I pull
each breath with a stern finger,

voice impelling from your chest—
nothing pushing nothing [nothing].

And there is no frame to this leg room,
no fervor free of reluctance—I wish
you were really here.

A plea is not enough—you are built like
stone, these two hands cannot get past
the water that rises, splits words

to a scatter—soon it will be against the
nape, its salt thickening my own tongue
to a silence.


-not about anything in general. xo

Carmel, Ca

This was taken in Carmel - such a lovely place to be.

Creep in the comedian's eye

I was looking for a photograph on Google to go with Radiohead's "Creep' for something over at Live Digital and ran across a photo of this guy crossing the street. The title of this photo was, "Some Creep"— I had to giggle, but felt bad—here was this guy just stolling along and he gets tagged with a name, like 'Creep'...he had no idea.

Reminds me of some comedy show like Frasier (sp?) or Jerry Seinfeld. (Something they might say?) Shrug. I never got into either show until the re-runs began, I think. Well, I did see Jerry's last episode (or partly). I remember coming home from work and Fraiser was on... it was such a funny episode! Fell in love with it then and there. Not to be mean, but Jerry seemed like he could not act well or like he was on stage. I dunno. Rosanne acts the same way, I think, yea?

It is odd how some things make you laugh...

I wonder, "If I ever did a comedy show..." but I suppose it has all been pretty much done.

On a side note---I have got to give that Soup guy a try. (He has a real place in N.Y..)

Anyway, I hope everyone enjoys the week. Ciao.

Me

Just a questionnaire I came across.

1. I am 5ft 7 inches
2. I hate big jewelry
3. I feel loved more than unloved
4. I love chocolate - mounds are my favorites
5. I like peanut butter & mayo sandwiches- wait,
not mayo (would be so sick) miracle whip :) Actually,
I rarely eat them, but thay are very good.
6. I love Yankee Candle Co.
7. I love the smell of fresh cut grass in summer
8. I love watching the clouds pass by
9. I believe everyone has a good side
10. I think everyone can be anything they'd like in life
11. I feel rushed 99% of the time
12. I hate messes
13. I miss my grandfather
14. I love hair products - esp Biolage
15. I make too many typos
16. I can rarely make up my mind. No I can.
No - I really cannot. Can I?
17. I have a huge shoe collection
18. I want a home beside the sea
19. I love flower gardens
20. I love to write poetry and prose
21. I like having people close to me
22. I love a good sense of humor
23. I dont wet the bed
24. I dislike liver and most fried foods
25. I like a guy with a tattoo
26. I love romance and spontaneity, like a kiss
or warm hug without warning
27. I believe you should be able to talk about
anything with your partner
28. I'm not afraid of needles
29. I dislike the scent of blood
30. I love Autumn
31. I enjoy neruda, petrarca, sullivan, noto, gordon, and sobin
32. I enjoy opera
33. My favorite book is The Mouse and the Motorcycle
34. I love salads with cottage cheese on top
35. I love San Francisco Music Box Co.
36. I dislike some super, tiny dogs with silly bows
37. I want my man to be my equal, nothing more,
nothing less
38. I read "Are you there, God? It's me, Margaret."
39. I am a good cook
40. I have no favorite color
41. I listen to ocean sounds on CD
42. I love Spring
43. I miss my familia
44. I do not like mean people
45.I love laughter
46. I like photography
47. It is hard for me to trust
48. I have never had short hair
49. My cats are named Michael & Christopher
50. Sometimes I speak without thinking
51. I do the wrong things a lot
52. I once broke my wrist hitting a palm tree
53. My favorite scents are coconut/lime & lavender
54. I love Neruda (again)
55. I am bad about keeping in touch
56. I let things get to me
57. I love Starbuck's Caramel Machiatto
58. I dislike people to chew gum open-mouthed
59. I dream about quiet things
60. I am afraid of losing people
61. I like to swim and crash waves
62. I used to be track captain in school
63. I used to cheer and did most student activities,
like student council etc
64. I love San Francisco. No - I LOVE San Francisco!
65. I miss someone right now
66. I dislike someone right now
67. I love lilies
68. I love N.Y. in the fall
69. I play keyboards
70. I have been published for photography and poetry
71. I sometimes dislike myself
72. I love the ocean air
73. I love chocolate milk, but cannot drink plain
white in a glass
74. I find I drag my feet
75. I like being outside
76. I have too many books I haven't read
77. I type with my left hand, but am right handed
78. I now realize what true friendship can be
79. I love the city
80. I dislike sugared gum
81. I wish I was better to myself
82. I own a telescope
83. I love going for drives
84. I love Godsmack to Darren Hayes
85. I love kickboxing
86. I'm easily pleased
87. I don't like people who scream
88. Looks do not matter
89. I dislike girls who dress sleezy
90. I love the colors of a sunset
91. I hate to dust
92. I have 1000 products in my bathroom
93. I have too many shampoos in the shower
94. I love tomato soup
95. I love to dance
96. I make my cats talk
97. My cats think I am nuts
98. I love to volunteer
99. My blood sugar is high and low at times
100. I like Baily's, but rarely drink
101. I love piano
102. I love rain storms
103. Age is just a number
104. I can be bratty
105. I could not live w/o q-tips

Looks fade. In 50 yrs from now - if I still look
lovely to my partner - he is the one for me.

Radiohead

PUSH PLAY

Daylight fades—almost aqueous as we plan
an evening to honor hands, to die in, expose
ourselves, distance to love.

The sequence of breath: a sole strength
un- tethered, softened as it seeks harvest
that swells— fertile beneath the air.

And it is written on the map—white breast
in the palm, a string of moisture on the brow,
tongues that thicken to please.

It is certain, a void that becomes, in turn,
plentiful—the taste and scent of nectar
still sweet on the lip.

First pomodoro and garlic followed by
peppers - then,
                in a string-of-events,
the room lit up with summered
scents of pasta and sauce: aromas
that filled nostrils, lingered sweetly
on my dress.

The gifts that grew in mother's garden;
pleasures I sampled with snips
of provolone.

        She sat me down, taught me
tradition, prepared
with warm hands and love.

        She pulled fresh flowers to cool
the evening: a touch of berry and vine,
spread linen, delicate, and called
us one by one.

We washed our faces in gratitude as
the sound of papa at the end of labor,
worn-out and empty, filled the door.

Flesh-notes

O lover,
O sweet boy -I sit beside myself for hours, tremulous,
words or breath, moist, palms open as if
                to say "I am yours."

        And I think of you when I see
Khan 's painting — a woman, a man,
her hair twisted in his hand, lilies strewn
skillfully across
a marble floor.

'The Kiss' either beneath the window
or against the wall—
it does not
matter:
        your tongue slips and I col        lapse,
taste confection on the wire.

The flat of my belly, dark hair, poised lip,
and finger— ex                posed,
                for you.

Seated now, along the rail, I shift, bend,
open, like a river to sea and I oh, oh,
the look in your eyes,
        the ache of         your hand—
        I am seamless, sweetened with
                each new touch.

Nails shape your back in red, map out where
we have been -
a fetish — dramatic pierce,
a maddened
kiss,
swept in a moment, like O'Hara or perhaps
the way Neruda might after a night of
                poetry—
how a woman taught him devotion in spring,
left his hand
ashen against paper.

                For you, my dress on the chair,
shadowed in the night, movements, soft,
unrehearsed
beneath the crest of your body.
I am brilliant, a silhouette on the backdrop of
Italy, where your storm sweeps me to reverie,
where I am stret                ched,

                like winter snow.

You brush a curl from my
cheek— your fingers tremble. I could lose
myself now,

        become adrift in your thoughts.
I could escape the heated air, the scent of flesh,
the bloom
of beauty before me,

to run toward the open sea, where I would
sink transparent on the sand, but my will is no
longer my own.

        And as dawn arrives, night slips out
—left are two lovers inside a painting, quiet on
canvas, exhausted and in love.

One of my favorite shots

This is one of my favorite - it just seems so serene. I can't explain it.

The Consequences of Inclination

I have seen it drive women to madness
—a slow tightening of the thighs
as definite as winter chill—the breeze
deep-seated, fixed like sea to sand.

And it is beside you, inside you, all season:
something stirs in the air.

Voices, like petals pulled from their stems:
"He loves me." It is enough.

It is enough—
beneath a current, where stones lie silent,
where breath becomes still within minutes.

We say yes, yes, yes to it all – only to linger
on eastern edges, like game pieces: each
rapt to see where the other may go—so
still at times, we appear to be the next
period as it awaits return.

Long ago, I walked this path—body depleted,
nerves on the ache of splinter. And at the
close of it all, I found nothing.
[I found nothing.]

Chest split in the bitter fist of December,
left to solidify in its grasp—I remained there
forever it seemed: bruised shins, hair in my
hands, and one black boot on the floor.

What is Hot in 2006

Is hot, yea?





-If only I could find a man like that! ;)

"...though a block away you feel distant the mere presence changes everything like a chemical dropped on paper and all thoughts disappear in a strange quiet excitement I am sure of nothing but this, intensified by breathing"
- O'Hara

My "To Do" List for Tuesday, March 28th 2006

1.Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
2.Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
3.Wear a special hip holster for my remote control.
(just might annoy?)
4.Signal that a conversation is over by clamping my
hands over ears.
5.Check out a novel from the library and write the
surprise ending on page one.
6.Repeat the following conversation a dozen times:
"Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."

And I have decided that I will not indulge in maniacal laughter. When so occupied, it is easy to miss unexpected developments that a more attentive individual could adjust to accordingly.

Yea?

Well, Spring is here? Or perhaps it is on its way - I don't know, but I truly long for it.



http://ferroggiaro.livedigital.com/

love on me, this love, love on me, this love, love -
-Gigi D'Agostino

To listen to it on my playlist click below:

http://italy.buzznet.com/user/

I know well the shape of admiration you express
and poetry of hunger spread thick against paper
walls, where we are silhouettes: the soft of
memory —

nights when the moon would drive the lamps out,
a thin hush over our flesh— we felt it then as it
quickened along the vine. And in the dark,

we'd lower our voices and touch in the last hours
before dawn. Each stroke a maddening of sorts
left to linger, like words or warm breath in the air.

Such things come easy with the steady hand.
And even if it were all a dream, may I sleep til
Spring, to rise again through the flames.

Random thoughts

I am changing for the better I think. Everything that touches or passes me - seems utterly and perfectly beautiful. The sky, voices, words, letters, photographs, fruit, scents, and season. Oh, how I want to walk barefoot in the fields of flowers as they become fragrant in Spring.

I long for cotton dresses in subtle hues, scents of lavender on my wrist, and a sun that warms even the smallest of curl on the cheek. I am abundant with thoughts of a changing season. What I would not do for a garden of lily and rose.

And I plan to take time to pause each moment that I can. Seasons such as Spring pass much too quickly - I do not want to miss a thing.

I know I said that this year was going to be the best - so when does it begin? I must have been in a fog. Days pass and I imagine all the things I could be doing, but never do. If I could change one thing about myself it would be my mind: it never does what I really want. ;)

I had hoped to cross days - forget to return

When the shards of eve and excitement
were high as treetop pine, I gave in
to his mouth; it trembled slightly as
it brushed my breast.

Commend the slender boy, who dare climb
my tresses in joie de vivre, clothed in
silk suit - hung loosely in the night air.

Praise him, for he was clever.
He placed his thigh against mine,
warming me sweetly, fingers pressed to
lips as if to draw out the words he

longed to reveal. And with one quick kiss,
his flesh began to ache, it lifted with
each passing breath, but there was no time -

I knew I would/could not return.

"Be still, for my body might not take
another
mad moment,
another stroke -
I have grown tired, you move
me, radiohead, split me in two."

We slept beside each other and when the
lonely light of morning crept across his
cheek –
I had gone.

A quiz for whatever reason

What is your favorite flavor of ice cream?
None. It used to be strawberry cheesecake, but I like orange sherbert more now

What was the last thing you ate?
A mini chic-o-stick

What CD is in your CD player right now?
A burned CD

What was the last song you listened to?
Missing - Everything but the girl

Name a favorite childhood memory.
I remember a foggy morning and swinging on a swing at my grandmum's. I liked the way the wind felt in my hair.

What's your birthstone? Would you change it?
Topaz and yes - it's a bit ugly

If you had one day to live, what would you do?
build a flower garden

What are your favorite scents?
Coconut/lime spray from Bed Bath & Body, lavender,
and Pleasures by E. Arden

What are your 3 favorite drinks?
Chocolate Milk, Caramel Machiatto at Starbuck's,
Ruby Red Grapefruit Juice

Do you have a favorite season?
Why?
Autumn - it's beautiful

Name three songs that you enjoy,
but no one knows.
Cara mia, Ava Maria, and Make me bad

Paint me your dream home.
Where would it be?
Beside the beach, plenty of flower gardens, poetry, and paintings

Do you volunteer?
I used to. I bought books from Barnes and Noble or Borders, and read them to the children in the peds unit each week. Afterward, I would give the books to the
them. I miss that. They were always such a sweet bunch. I recall buying a violin for one boy. His parents could not afford it, but I knew he longed to play. I loved him. His mum cried, but was happy as well and I felt so sad. I suppose she always wished she could of gave him one. I thought about giving it to her and letting her give it, but that was after the fact. I regret not doing that. Sometimes my heart leaps moves before I can catch up. Sorry wherever you are.


When you fall asleep are you usually on your side, your stomach, or your back?
Side - with one leg over the edge of the bed and a little pillow that I like to hug.

Which is worse?
Seeing someone chewing their fingernails
or picking their nose?
Neither - I hate to see ppl chew gum with the mouth open ::shudders::

Which would be worse?
Being made to eat bugs
or drink sour milk?
Sour milk. I don't like milk much anyway - except choc.

Which guy would you rather go out with? A loving guy, a hot guy,
or a beefcake?
A loving guy. And what the heck is a 'beefcake"? Sounds like a poor constructed food product. Again, ::Shudders::

What are you wearing?
A pair of bell bottom pants, slippers, white socks,
and a long sleeve shirt.

Name 3 movies that you will remember.
Amelie, Chocolat, Untamed Heart

Are you glad we are through?
Yep

I have seen it drive women to madness—
as definite as winter chill—the breeze
deep-seated, fixed like bullet to bone.

And it is beside you, inside you, all season:
something stirs in the air.

Voices, like petals pulled from their stems:
"He loves me." It is enough.

It is enough -
beneath a current, where stones lie silent,
where breath becomes still within minutes.

We say yes, yes, yes to it all – only to linger
on eastern edges, like game pieces: each
rapt to see where the other may go – so
still at times, we appear to be the next
period as it awaits return.

Once long ago, I walked this path, my body
became depleted, nerves on the ache of
splinter. And at the close of it all, I found
nothing. [I found nothing.]

My chest split in the bitter fist of December,
left to solidify in its grasp. I remained there
forever it seemed: bruised shins, hair in my
hands, and one black boot on the floor.

And across the miles, vast as an ocean song,
a handful of love awaits, its faith in me,
like an open field – I feel the warmth, but am
frightened of the [strength] it reveals.

0 ho trovato la perla del prezzo grande,
esso sto chiedendoci di attendere

appena per un po'lungamente in questa
condizione della pausa, come un alito

tenuto, di un bacio di winter's. sto imparando
il significato allineare del pazienza,

è un percorso costoso da seguire con le
difficoltà, il dolore, la poesia,

le rotture e la passione, ma presto le cose
precedenti saranno oscurate dalle

ricompense, in cui le cose di vecchio
si ricorderanno di nient'altro e un nuovo sole,

il sole di tutti che per la volontà presentiamo
con in ale di it's - fino allora

all'continuerò a scriverlo nella mia vita,
anche se le mie barrette possono sanguinare.

Did you know that sesquipedlianism obfuscates pellucity?

This Beauty is Soft

This beauty is soft -- as if music and wood,
agate, cloth, wheat, peaches the light shines through
had made an ephemeral statue.
And now she sends her freshness out, against the waves.

The sea dabbles at those tanned feet, repeating
their shape, just imprinted in the sand.
And now she is the womanly fire of a rose,
the only bubble the sun and the sea contend against.

Oh, may nothing touch you but the chilly salt!
May not even love disturb that unbroken springtime!
Beautiful woman, echo of the endless foam,

may your statuesque hips in the water make
a new measure -- a swan, a lily --, as you float
your form through that eternal crystal.

-Neruda

Meaning and Misplacement

"love on me - this love,
love on me, this love, love..."

Oh, Godhead.
        What can I possibly say?

Sit down close to me.
Godhead,
                I know -
it is so beautiful, so severe.
Mi scusi, il mio tesoro,
        I cavalli
                selvaggi
        non potrebbero
trascinarme lontano. 


        It begins in the light of
a high-winded chiesa, stirs
in the grasses beyond
the plain - I cavalli
selvaggi
non potrebbero
trascinarme lontano.

Hands designed                 for two,
                        divide, 
                fingers begin to fade
        the need from lack. 

A moment, a moment, a winter implosion,
felt below the creases of
        our shirts                 that cling,
        like there has never
been
so much at stake.

                        And it is marvel
        that smoothed the lines
        written into our
                palms - it fastens them
                together, like seed to soil.

Stand amid these defenses
and you will see it:                 the fire
                that [rises]
                from my breath.

        Four hours or so from
        the storm: a coupé, secure,
        mind race, and l'umore
        vigore terrestre.

        [Italian], the only suitable 
                'sure thing' - yea. Oh, oh,
        and intention.
How the hell
are you supposed to leave?

Insatiable

The way I feel when I am in your eyes,
I become liquid longing - liquid blue.

It is how I reflect in winter, like a drop
of wetness in the center of the boughs.

Perhaps it is the way my spine aches
beneath your voice - pulling each goose

bump from my flesh. It does not matter,
our thoughts and desires are as one:

we will rise beyond this city, place our
hands where the season cannot reach,

where we are warmed by sunset’s fire,
like poetry or the stir of summered grass.

And there, in that moment, our bodies
will touch tightly, to keep out the cold.

It's been a extensive winter, my love.
Once the soil softens, I will sow
your words into the garden - my palms,
wet with curiosity.

In spring, the sun calms:
its warmth will smooth these cool
hands, changing season, where
everything tastes like poetry, shifting
hours, like the curves of your mouth in
admiration - to ensure I do not forget you.

This morning I stretched
across the bed,
my nightgown
moved
        over
        my hips -
        I thought of you.

And in the idle darkness, comes the bite!

Good God, come to me, touch flesh
with fantasy, fill wintered nights of
longing, in cherrydream.

I lie awake - it's 3 am and my pulse
races at the thought of eagerhand
as it searches pulp beneath cotton
dress, beneath innocence.

Seperate lips with tenderbreath, Tesoro,
while whispering, 'Tu si bella' and this
european blood will stir,
this european blood will stir.

Buon San Valentino

Al mio amore,

Let me lose myself in the fullness
of your lips
as they carve our names
      in fluster-tongue.
Press yourself into me, Tesoro
until my curves become the contours
of the sand beneath us,
   until we become one.


Ti amo con tutta l'anima ♥

Happy New Year!

Springtime with Father

We saddled up before hint of sunrise stretched against
the bitter cold of the California morning. Fog lifted from
the mouths of the horses, the trampled soil, as hard as frost.

With buttoned coats, we rode toward Sonoma, our horses,
breaking through frozen puddles along the trail. It was winter,
but the air was crisp with scents of lupine and sweet clover,
each an exquisite reminder that spring had come to the north.

We headed up to the hills, treated with open splendor: a world
away from the high-strung urban development of San Francisco.
Frost rested across an open field, above us, an unbending sky,
its deep blue warmed by first sun of morning.

Our family took the ride each Sunday, father, simple in dress,
serene in countenance, leading the pack up to where mudducks
and mountain top meet. Later that night we sat dimly, sipping
cocoa on river's edge as father told stories--- we laughed,

unable to see what the future would bring: my father would never
return. I go up the mountain alone now, a pocket full of memoirs,
days when I knew nothing, but what he taught me, days when
I felt alive, as warm and certain as his hands.

If you have time, check out my link to ginger rivers. There are some very nice links there- the dialogue is great as well.

We had two poems win this month on Ibpc! Congrats to Jim Fowler & John Eivaz! And a special congrats to Yolanda Calderon-Horn (Our mod) for her winning poem at Writer's Block!

The Versifier took a big hit when EZboard crashed, but we still are going strong with such great members. (I think we have such a great team.) I hope everyone tries PJ's challenge- she has great ideas and is very sweet. :)

Today was busy...I was working on the IBPC newsletter for July, waiting for Surface's issue to be finished, packing, went swimming, shopping, commenting, behind the scene stuff at Versifier and am about to go lie in bed and read a bit. I have some great chapbooks at hand, like Erin's, Kenneth Gurney's (Older) and a few more.

On another note, I am going to get the chapbook contest ready. (Details coming soon!) And the IBPC Blog should be live now- I will add some things to it as well and sent up a link here. We are asking the Pearl editors to judge for us soon. :)

I hope everyone is enjoying their week! Ciao!

Today is a great day. I'm on my way out, but hopefully when I get back, I can get some more things done.

I was going to go to the beach today, but no time! I plan on doing that this week and taking my camera along. I can show you my horrible tan! Even being Italian, I can assure you that I've spent plenty of time in tanning beds. Actually, more so on the east coast. Ha!

I was reading up on the Church of Scientology. Seems Tom Cruise is getting heated over an argument with Brook Sheilds. Sheesh, I forgot she even existed. I have read rumors of abuse and even a rumor of one lady getting ran over outside her home. In the 80s, I guess they made the regular people work on cruise ships for free. They even had a room to place people that misbehaved! Since they seperate celebs from regular members, I suppose Tom has never seen the bad side. These are all just rumors, not sure they are true.

Anyway, I'm off for now. Ciao!

In The Valley of Penumbra

Point of day where flesh pauses,
stretches leather-flat:
all is whist, sunlight fades.

In the Valley of Penumbra
my lips unfurl like a fetus
struggling in the womb.

Your sepulcher swells into ashen
skies---I am alone in this bone-yard
as despondency permeates the air.

I cannot go back, my eyes are
not bright, but draped in rue,
blood-filled and glutted.

And pallid will fingers trench
the soil, scratch at the copse,
splintering, plead your return.

As if the sun had begun it's climb
instead of ending it, as if this was
the first breath of morning,
instead of your demise.

* added a silly site counter. wee-haw!

One word- Scary

An ocean girl

I realized that I am in mourning. You see, I grew up on the northern coast of California- as a child I played in Bodega Bay & Sonoma. I love the soft seasoned scent of the salty air and the feeling overall. The people are different as well; they are more relaxed and giving. I am going to miss it all very much. I love the east coast, but it has such a different flavor. I have a lot of friends up there and know that it will be a blast, but nothing can take the place of the pacific ocean.



I haven't been to The Versifier in a few days. I have had so much to do, but hope to get some things done there today. Only a week and a half til moving day & I still have to run to Phoenix to empty out a storage shed there!

My mum moved there a few yrs ago and I have loads of stuff to pick up. I'm excited to see my brother Anthony. Anthony is 17, 6ft and so adorable! I crack up when my mum tells stories of how she once took him to a punk rock concert and went into the pit! Haha! That was a few yrs ago, but still funny. I took Anthony & Jason to the OZZFEST in 2003 and we had a great time. I have a huge family- Kim, Lori, Anthony, Jason, Denise, Richie, Justin & Travis! Wee- freakin- haw!

Also, I finished this issue of Surface and it should be up soon. We have artists from all over the world and it should be quite interesting! Now I have to get the new IBPC Blog done- it's going to be great!

Anyway, I have much to do! I'll write more later.

Memories of Mother

I recall one winter, my mother on a whim,
took us to the city through the northern hills,
a lunch packed on the front seat, her
cigarettes on the dash.

And the dips in the road, the scene-stealers
that caught each one of us, lifting our bellies
through the season as mother passed over.

She laughed, drove faster and when another
awaited in the mist, we'd gasp and pause, like
moments one enters early morn, the forest

perhaps, or the faint climate just east of
the window: when reverberations die down,
no traffic, wind, no children at play-
that hush second, before it all rushes on.

The Blower's Daughter

Northern Ca- 2005 (I took this in the spring-Del Puerto Canyon.)

A photo I took off the pier in San Francisco.

lonelily

I come
with the afternoon
on my back-

room by room,
I pass through
the blind.

-from my latest piece-lonelily

you
soft and only
you
lost and lonely
you
strange as angels
dancing in the deepest oceans
twisting in the water
you're just like a dream...
you're just like a dream...

daylight licked me into shape
i must have been asleep for days
and moving lips to breathe her name
i opened up my eyes
and found myself alone
alone
alone
above a raging sea
that stole the only girl i loved
and drowned her deep inside of me

you
soft and only
you
lost and lonely
you
just like heaven

the cure-

Summer Days!

I found this w/o credit! AND take a look at those tasty socks!

When the Sun Falls Behind the Palm

When the Sun Falls Behind the Palm
(Not the right structure, but I'm sleepy.)

I stood in jeans waiting
for you to arrive,
fingertips running
through hair, body seeking
the right position against the wall.

You walked in like the sun,
a rhythm I had waited years
to feel in the curve of my spine.

I know I did not tell you,
but your eyes, Christ,
they left me
stumbling like an actor
for the right words.

The days seemed to go on forever.
we made love like Neruda;
flesh becoming warm, the evening,
or the memory of rainfall-
and sometimes when you stroked
my cheek,
I felt the future
in your touch.

I can still sense your presence here,
like the summered sun that rests
along the path,
still taste those days
as I glide my hands over the scent
you left behind.

♥ "I watched you suffer a dull aching pain, now you decided to show me the same. No sweeping exits or offstage lines, could make me feel bitter or treat you unkind...." The Rolling Stones
♥ "Unclothed, you are true, like one of your hands, lissome, terrestrial, slight, complete, translucent..." Neruda

"Sigh"

Today was busier than ever! I am not sure I even got much done. I am going to grab a cappuccino and write for a little bit, to relax. The Versifier is doing quite well- the mods and members are doing an outstanding job! I like not having to worry about it. Now I get other things done. I need to get the paper work done for my newest book! I have been putting it off- I need to get on the phone and get things taken care of.

This weekend I want to go shooting, I don't care where. I need it and have been slacking! Anyway, I'll write more later. Ciao!

You are Betty Grable The ulitmate girl next door You're the perfect girl for most guys Pretty yet approachable. Beautiful yet real. What Famous Pinup Are You? Take This Quiz :-)

Mezza-mezza

Diet Root Beer, Piano, etc.

A survey. Because I can't resist this kind of thing.

1: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, find line 4. Write down what it says: "Tavern on the Green." It's the Zagat Restaurant Survey for New York City, 2002.

2: Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What do you touch first?:
The rail of the stairway.

3: What is the last thing you watched on TV?:
A&E- The Perfect Crime-The Zodiac Killer

4: A good drink is…:
Diet root beer.

5: Grooming product you don't want to be without:
Biolage.

6: With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?:
The cat is purring at me expectantly. I don't know what she wants. Traffic on the rainy street outside.

7: When did you last step outside? what were you doing?:
This morning- I ran errands.

8: What are you currently reading?
A few chapbooks.

9: What are you wearing?:
PJ bottoms with puppies on them & a white cotton tee.

10: Did you dream last night? What about?:
I didn't dream. I didn't sleep well either. I kept waking up to drink water, take my socks off, put my socks on, reorganize the pillows.

11: What did you last eat?
Some strawberries.

12: What is on the walls of the room you are in?:
Nothing much anymore- I've been packing.

13: Seen anything weird lately?:
A guy by the pool that looks like John Oates from Hall & Oates. He was w/o a shirt and quite funny looking.

14: What are your hobbies? Kick boxing, piano, key boards, poetry, reading, photography, web design, editing and dancing.

15: What is the last film you saw?:
Bogeyman.

16: If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy first?:
An art studio.

17: Tell me something about you that I don't know:
I never wear the color pink.

18: If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?: Change the way we treat animals so that it is humane and respectful, most particularly the way meat and animal byproducts are produced and consumed.

19: Do you like to dance? Have you ever made your own routine?:
Love it. Won 1st place in a contest once. Plenty of times! I just made one for 'Every you, every me'- by placebo.

20: What do you think of this quiz?:
Mezza- mezza.

Friday

Today was very busy. I had an IBPC meeting and various other things going on. Yesterday, I renovated the entire board:

and still our members are barely coming back. The entire EZboard hack has been horror. I am not whining, but I had a lot of hrs invested in it.

I did a lot of packing these last few days. It's amazing all the things you decide you don't need. I threw so much junk away. I must of packed 8 boxes just of poetry, medical and history books! I still have a whole closet full of books! I don't mind-I'm moving and happy about it all!

I will finish up my book stuff and get that out in the mail. I think this will be my best book yet! I have some connections in N.Y. and other places and will try to get some readings booked. I look forward to holding another book in my hand. Yes, I'm excited.



That is my photo. It is in third place for $1000.00! I'm pretty proud of it. I love photography and it is paying off. (I even had some people email me about buying a few.)Anyone who has not taken up the hobby of photography, should. It's one of the most gratifying things one can do. I remember Monterey & Carmel...spent the entire day on a secluded beach shooting. 'Sigh'.

Anyway, the lights just went on & off and who knows why. Perhaps there was an accident. I'm off.

Dramamine

This week was like an ocean tide. I won't go into it.


I have been quite busy though, with my new 60 pg book, Surface, 2 featured poet interviews and another on Poetry Super Highway .
http://poetrysuperhighway.com/PoetLinks.html

Been listening to Placebo a lot as of late. It seems to calm me. I love music. I made a CD to listen to while I pack. We are moving to the east coast in 5 weeks. I'm actually very excited. I cannot wait to shoot all the scenery on our way either.

You know, it's great to be surrounded by such great friends. I say this because ezboard got hacked and all my mods and members are showing such great support. I feel grateful and hope we are on our way again! I sat here, staring at the screen when I first saw what the hacker had done. I almost went into tears, but I realized that there is life outside of the internet. I still have my home, health and more. (We just have to wait for a restoral and move on.) I really did not want to get into all that. 'sigh'

My Playlist for this week:

Collide-Howie Day
Can't take my eyes off you-Damien Rice
Every you, every me-Placebo
I'm nothing without you-Placebo
Lowdown-Boz Skaggs
I know-Placebo
Rooster-Alice in Chains
Dreams-The Cranberries
La Passione-Gigi D'Agostino

No matter what happened this week, I've been blessed. I have a wonderful life and am happy in my heart. I have been writing and feel confident in myself. I know that I always do my best, sometimes I do too much, but I feel good about it and stand behind whatever I do 100%.
I carry few regrets.



I think the only regret that I truly have is 2003. I wish it never happened, wish I could wish it away. I made a lot of wrong choices in my relationship and trusted too much. Ii have learned from my mistakes and feel warm inside knowing that I never took revenge. Although, I was hit hard in that area myself. I was blamed for such odd things that only a true con artist could make up. 'Sighs'. I know what is right and what is wrong and still shrug off those bad vibes.

Have you ever heard Gigi D'Agostino? You should! He is a DJ from Italy and had hit the US charts. He was only played in underground clubs like in San Francisco. He hit the US hard and ended up with radio play. I remember when I first heard him on the radio with 'I'll Fly With You'. I was so happy for him! My favorite songs from him are 'La Passione' & ' I'll Fly With You', but the remixed version. He's a doll. :)

Anyway, I better close for now. I hope you all had a great week. Ciao

Confessions Before Dawn-

What is it
that excites you?

Do you long to touch
lips to mine?

I can feel the layers
of your defenses

become thinner,
sometimes, so fragile

that I could pierce
them entirely
with a single word.

If I were to open
myself to you
like a lily
on the lake---

tell me, Tendermouth,
who is it we'll be
by morning?

Adulthood- A Testimony Beneath Autumn Skies

Cast back to adolesence, I chose
the path unknown, strength subsided
into blackberry fields and stretches
where he first stroked me.
The stench of trespass, of what could be,
                        filled the October air.
Thoughts scattered, begged for release
as I tore at the earth in delight,
scratched a cry-hole for redemption.
And at seventeen, rescue from proverbial
flames were welcomed, almost yearned. 

Watchmen...

I need cappuccino, the beach, and a good book. :/

Today, today

Today was a sort of day that felt rushed. I had no time for anything, but wanted desperately to write. I had a very calming and long email today from a friend named, John. I am a fan of his writing and try to hold back as much as possible. I don't want to look like a 16 yr old at her first concert. I'm pretty good at holding my feelings in and think quick in times when needed. Perhaps that is why my goal is emergency med. To get back to the subject...Ok, we are going off it again. ;) Have you ever thought someone to be more than what they really are? Assumed someone was like a torch in the sky, only to realize they are human? It happened today and boy was I ever satisfied knowing John is just that.

He has been published in more places then I have ever and is well deserving. One thing that tickles me is that we have been published together a lot. That's is very inspiring. Jimmy and john would probably get along well, just like UV. Guys, they are so alike! The Ramones this, yadda, yadda. ;) Speaking of ole UV, gosh what a great guy! There's one that I just know that no matter where we go in our lives, we will always be friends. I like that.

The boards were crazy today, all the mods relaying back and forth that it made me think of the scene in Weird Science. The one in the shower stall, where they are going back & forth quickly, only showing their mouths! Ha! I love these guys! My mods are some of the best ever. Each and every one. Ryan...Oh, my Ryan! He is like the sweetest, most irritating brat of a brother! I love him.

--From Ryan:

ferro-

you summed me up nice in your journal!

:)

i consider myself 'one' of the smartest persons, having the unique ability to cannabilize that same intelligance with self-doubt and uncertainty. influenced beyond easy. and i am the sweetest/irritating person on the planet :)

i bet your wondering if you are lucky or cursed to have met me - the answer will no doubt get much more complex with time. enjoy the riddle of ryan. or beware for the riddle forthcoming.

wednessday afternoon v. best-
ryan

:) Ha!

Erin and Cass, gentle and firm....Beautiful. Those two will not take any crap, but would be there for you in a heartbeat. I'd die w/o those them. I also admire my mods writing. They are one talented bunch. Paura, wow! He is out level headed mod, the quiet, kind sort that will back you up in a flash. Ryan is the quick thinker, the head mod, smart, but influenced too easily, cute, and funny. Pikey, every team needs a burly bully with a heart of gold. Michael, kind and studious, Simone, smart and a busy, busy guy. Wulf, gentle and so freaking funny! Papa, hilarious and experimental.

So, yea, I love and need this bunch to keep me sane. Did I go off topic or what? OK, today started off with the steering column of my Sonata pulled off! Someone tried to jack my freakin car! Then, the excitement of John and a secret guest. Gosh, how fun was that! I had a lot to do today, but everything worked out in the end. I suppose tomorrow if I wake w/o a car...I'll be yacking like an Italian, hands moving and speaking too quickly for my own good. ONE of these nights, I am going to hide in my back seat and kick the door open, when my little prowler come floating along in all his glory! I am going to jump out and kick his a@#!!! Hey, I have been kick boxing for almost 5 yrs now! :0

Anyway, as you can see, it's late and I need sleep, but I wanted to write in this dusty journal. So, today (yea) I'm happy. xo

Hiya!

So many things going on at this time! I have been super busy with everything. I hope all is well out there in computerland! I will write more later! Ciao!

Cher

Across Wires and Wingsong

notoriety sits at the edge
        of leather bound books and charm;
                he belongs to the city.

the air swells as fertile lips speak across
wind's tapestry. i can feel him move
in steadybreath, pulling goosebumps
        from my skin.

he says he is crazy, i think he must be wrong,
for it is i, who is high-strung
on the sound of the beep, who becomes restless
        beneath concrete streets
                and casual conversation.
        somethings never change. 

just me...

Neruda

Take bread away from me, if you wish,
take air away, but
do not take from me your laughter.

Do not take away the rose,
the lance flower that you pluck,
the water that suddenly
bursts forth in joy,
the sudden wave
of silver born in you.

My struggle is harsh and I come back
with eyes tired
at times from having seen
the unchanging earth,
but when your laughter enters
it rises to the sky seeking me
and it opens for me all
the doors of life.

My love, in the darkest
hour your laughter
opens, and if suddenly
you see my blood staining
the stones of the street,
laugh, because your laughter
will be for my hands
like a fresh sword.

Next to the sea in the autumn,
your laughter must raise
its foamy cascade,
and in the spring, love,
I want your laughter like
the flower I was waiting for,
the blue flower, the rose
of my echoing country.

Laugh at the night,
at the day, at the moon,
laugh at the twisted
streets of the island,
laugh at this clumsy
boy who loves you,
but when I open
my eyes and close them,
when my steps go,
when my steps return,
deny me bread, air,
light, spring,
but never your laughter
for I would die.

Pablo Neruda

Why would anyone ever hurt another? I see it all the time - people doing for themselves, stepping on other's toes to get wherever they think might be Heaven. People are strange.

You Still Have All of Me

in winter i lie beside hills
of banked poetry, making angels,
still and cold.
the upsurge of sensual verse
and an endless love
follow me from sausalito
 to the san francisco bay.

 everywhere i go,
i am the city's lover. i celebrate
and rush towards her shores
with an awkward motion, each gust
an unspoken longing,
lingering,
 stirring within.

 the seasons blur
and carry with them the scent
of sonoma wine that circles
high above the skyline.

i remain alive in here,
the sound of the ocean at dawn
captures me---
with the softness of a tear 
that idles beneath my lid
and i will write each chapter
of my life beside her
as grapes bend over
the mountains,
 fading into a falling sun.

In This Moment

Today was insane, but I won't go into details. Not now, perhaps later.

Percipience

I pensieri gradiscono una riunione della tempesta-


RML - It's been a super long day...

"Occasional collisions unexpectedly encountered determine the direction of a lifetime."-Elias Canetti

New Year

Hey everyone,

I hope your new year was grand. I have been very sick as of late. I have an infection in a nerve beside my ear. Anyway, the holidays were great. I need to get back on track asap. planning a huge move and there is so much to do. I will write more later. Hugs. P.s., published in the beat! Ciao.